Calling Men First, Asserting Opinions, & Skin Conditions

Dear Kelli,
I am a single woman who wants to meet a man to have a long-term relationship that will eventually turn into a marriage. I am attending a various singles events, and usually in some of them after the event women can contact men and men can contact women, via organizer's email system. So, after an event this past 1.5 weeks ago I have met someone that I felt a connection and a chemistry, but he has not contacted me first, so I did, taking into consideration that the
option of emailing will expire within 4 days, and I liked him.

So even after hesitating to contact a guy first, I did. He responded saying that it was great meeting me too, and meeting up for drinks will be good, but he will be extremely crazy busy with work, why don't me get in touch in a week to see if we settle on a date ( as a calendar date) It has been 1.5 weeks and I have not heard from him. I honestly do not feel comfortable emailing him again, even I like him. All my female friends tell me not to contact him, as seems that he is
not interested enough to make an effort to make time to see me. My male guy friend tells me, what a big deal contact him, as men are very insecure, and he got "cold feet". So I do not know what to do. Maybe this is not working out for me contacting men first. I feel confused, and do not want to feel or sound desperate, but may be I am and need to work on it....

Signed,
Single Gal


Dear Single Gal,
Okay, I'm going to be frank here only because I think this will save you time and trouble for the future. A guy will most always call a girl if he is interested. There is no cold feet, no I'm too busy at work, no insecurity issue, no pot belly pig dying excuse, etc. You get the picture. If a guy likes
you, he calls. Now, the only caveat to this whole paragraph is if after meeting him he gets run over by a bus.

Now I'm being funny but in all seriousness I would let this one go. To me, I think it's always best to start off a relationship without any questions ("Should I call him?" "Does he really like me if I called first?") The beginning should always be smooth sailing.

I hear you about feeling desperate. But sometimes men can smell that desperation a mile away (and run very far in the opposite direction). So maybe take a little time off from dating for now and do something for you (i.e. music class, girls get away weekend to the spa, finally taking that psychology course, etc.). Sometimes concentrating on you helps take away the focus of "Why haven't I met the one yet?"

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
When I was at Best Buy over the weekend, I overheard a sales clerk trying to sell a customer an extended warranty for a TV. Extended warranties for televisions are such a waste, in part because TVs almost never break. Should I have warned the other customer not to waste his money on that extended warranty?

Signed,
Here to Help

Dear Here to Help,
I think it is really kind you want to help/warn others. But I say no for four reasons. #1) The customer didn't ask for your opinion. It would one thing if he/she were looking for advice but it's another to give it unsolicited. As they say, "if I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it." #2) People need to learn things by themselves. This customer may see after this experience whether or not it was worth the extra money. But they have to find it out for themselves. I'm a strong believer in learning from your own experiences, rather than listening to others first without trying. #3) What if by some random chance this customer's TV did break? He/she would regret not buying the TV and ultimately end up blaming the schmuck in the store who told him/her not to do it. #4) Finally, some people would rather be safe than sorry. So even if there
is a non-zero chance the TV would break that person would rather have that security. Make sense?

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I have a skin condition that causes red patches to appear on my forehead. People often ask about that, but I'd rather not talk about it. What should I say? I can't just change the subject without responding, but I really don't want to get into a conversation about my (sometimes embarrassing) medical condition.

Signed,
Masked


Dear Masked,
I can imagine it must be very frustrating to constantly answer the same question over and over again, especially one that is embarrassing. I don't blame you. But let's think about it from a stranger's point of view. These strangers (or people really) see something uncommon and its human nature to be curious about it. Even though it feels personal it's really not. You can't tell me when you see something different, someone with only one arm for example, you can't help
but take a second look, or wonder what happened to them. So I think its people not purposely being rude but rather being human.

Another alternative perspective is that you have someone genuinely interested in knowing about you. Sure, it may not be for what you want but it's a great conversation starter. So I see two ways of handling it: 1) Gently saying you have a medical condition and then immediately asking that person a question about them. Turning the focus back on them. If the person persists about your condition simply say, "I'd rather not to discuss it if that's okay. But I'd love to talk about X,Y, and Z." Usually that is enough for people to back off. 2) You can make a joke out of the situation. You could say something like: "Yeah, I wish I could tell you it was a horrible sunburn from my two- week vacation in Bermuda but it's really just a medical condition." They will laugh
and that will be the end of it.

Good luck,
Kelli