Ask Kelli: Job questions, Support Groups, & Gym Equipment

Dear Kelli,
I am currently unemployed. A year ago I left the office job where I was absolutely miserable and stressed. All the jobs in the past never made me even as much as 50% happy. I tried to find a simpler job, where I will have a peace of mind. I took a certificate class to become a home caregiver through an agency, I accepted an assignment but left the job due to very low pay and high transportation expenses, and honestly I was not happy even doing the requirements of that job. I have been looking for other "easygoing, simple nature" jobs, but no success yet.

Since I am still unemployed and need to support a family, a friend of mine suggested that I apply for a position within her company. I just got interviewed, and am scheduled for a second round again this week. It is a job in a fast-paced environment, with tight deadlines, an environment where something always changes -- all things that I am really trying to avoid in my life. I think I just don't handle stress well. My friend tells me that it is an easy job, that I know how to do it, and if she can do it, why can't I do it, and she will be the one to train me, and I will be hired as a third person on this job, which will be shared among three of us, etc. She is really trying to get me hired, and get me employed. I am grateful and appreciate it. But if this job is offered to me (which probably will happen next week) -- honestly, I am afraid to accept it.

How can I help myself to make a decision? One part of me says: "you need to feed your family, just get the job, you can do it, you have a potential, you are educated, smart", but another part of me just does not want to deal with a possible stressful environment. I just do not want to trap myself again, and repeat the same old pattern. I do not know what to do. What is wrong with me? If all the answers are within us--how can I find the one I need right now?

Signed,
Very Grateful for Your Opinion


Dear Very Grateful for Your Opinion,
Okay, first just a little reminder to think about today. What I mean by that is you haven't technically gotten the job yet. So often we stress about "what ifs" when they may or may not ever happen. So just keep telling yourself that you really only need to worry about today.

With that being said, however, I know I was on vacation when you wrote this letter. So let's assume you did get the job (and congratulations if that is the case). I absolutely 100% think you should take the job. Forget the basics that you need to support your family, you're smart and can do the job, etc., but how do you know for certain that this job will be too stressful for you? You haven't even given it a chance yet! So, I think you are "futurizing" here. That means concentrating and worrying too much about the future because you are anxious and fearful. And that's not a valid reason not to accept a job, in my opinion. Now if, however, in three months you really do feel you can't handle the job out of stress, then we'll talk. But for now, take the job because you really don't know how it will be. Sure, we're all scared when we are offered a new job. But we can let that hold us back (and not accept the job) or we can surrender to the excitement and adventure of it all. Just remember too: no job will ever be perfect. You'll have your good days and your bad. That's all part of the package.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
Are there any other support groups besides 12 step programs like AA or Al-Anon?
Groups that will help with self-esteem, overcoming fears, building up confidence, and so forth?

Signed,
Needing Support


Dear Needing Support,
Yes, there is Emotions Anonymous which is a 12-step program "for the purpose of working toward recovery from emotional difficulties." You can find more information here: http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/ .

There's also an online support group regarding self-confidence here: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Want-More-Self-confidence/21220 . Not sure if it is 12-step based but if you are just looking for online support, this looks like a good resource.

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm training for a marathon that happens in May. Do I need to abide by the gym's 30-minute rule on the treadmill?

Signed,
Desperate Athlete


Dear Desperate Athlete,
It doesn't matter if you are Lance Armstrong training for the Tour de France, the 30-minute applies to everyone no matter what their justifications. My advice (aside from running outside) is to do 30 minutes on all the different machines. Not only will you get a great cross-training workout but you'll also keep friends at the gym.

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: More Wide Shoes, Asking a Woman Out, & Son Acne

Hi Kelli,
Your answer to the question about shoes was fine -- except for people with double wide feet. Even Richey, even Public Shoe Store in Clarendon, can't help. I'm stuck with New Balance 811s and Ugg boots, not really Kennedy Center attire. I have ordered Drews and P.W. Minors by catalog, and still no luck. I can wear Merrill clogs (European size 38) around the house but am not confident to wear them outside when I may have to do stairs. I'm having a pair of "dress shoes" -- low-heeled pumps -- made by the cobbler on Calvert Street, but even he is on his second try. Do you have any further ideas? I'm not about to go online and keep having to ship back shoes that don't fit; anyway WW or EE choices are very few.

I would appreciate your help.

Signed,
Faithful Reader


Dear Faithful Reader,
I have the perfect solution for you!

1) Zappos (http://www.zappos.com) They carry a great variety of extra wide shoes and it's free shipping both ways! I found a nice selection of WW pumps here: http://bit.ly/5pVmnI
2) Chic Wide Shoes (http://www.chicwideshoes.com) They also offer free shipping but it's one way.
3) Dave's Extra Wide Shoes (http://www.daveswideshoes.com) They offer free shipping over $100.
4) Shoemall (http://www.shoemall.com) They carry a decent selection of WW shoes and offer free shipping one way.

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
In your opinion what is the best way to ask a woman out?

Signed,
Curious


Dear Curious,
The best way, in my opinion, is the way you feel most comfortable. There is nothing sexier than a man with confidence. So asking out a woman the way you feel most at ease will be best for both parties.

But in case you need some more tips: don't discount simplicity. Asking a woman out doesn't have to be a big, long, drawn-out production. "I, uh, I'm thinking that I like you. You're nice and sweet. And kind. Oh and pretty. And I like your sweater. Uh, I think we have, like, chemistry. Yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, maybe, one day, not today exactly because it's a Monday, but sometime, maybe in the future, yeah we could go out." Just say it. "I really enjoy your company. Would you be open for dinner sometime?"

Finally, don't be afraid of rejection. You're pretty much guaranteed no date at all if you don't ask the woman out. So at least by asking her out, you are beating a zero chance.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My teenage son has horrible acne. I can tell he feels pretty upset about it. We've been to a dermatologist and he's on the proper medicine but I also know it takes time to kick in. I'm wondering if you have any suggestions in the meantime.

Signed,
Helping My Son


Dear Helping My Son,
The teen years in general can be extremely difficult. Throw in an acne issue and it's even more understandable why your son would feel extra isolated and self-conscious.

Here are my thoughts:
1) Share what exactly acne is so your son doesn't blame himself. There are tons of myths about what causes acne (e.g., chocolate or fatty foods) and kids get overwhelmed and confused. Mayo Clinic is a great place to start for a simple explanation: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/acne/DS00169
2) Keep reminding your son that his acne will most likely clear up. Often times teens feel this will be a problem for life and they can't foresee it ever going away. In most cases acne is hormonal, so it will most likely dissipate on its own.
3) Tell your son he's not alone. Eighty percent of teens get acne.
4) Encourage your son to join an online acne support group.
Here are some resources that he can check out:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Acne/support-group
http://teenage-acne.net/forum
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acnetips/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/acne_support/

All the best,
Kelli