Dear Kelli,
My husband is a spender like nobody’s business. I’m more of a frugal gal, so much so it’s sometimes hard for me to spend money. This has always been a problem for us but it gets worse during the holidays. How do we resolve this issue?
Signed,
Frugal Fanny
Dear Frugal Fanny,
First know your situation is not uncommon. Money is the number one thing couples fight about! It may be easy for partners to match up with likes and dislikes but it’s not always so easy to match up with spending habits. So know you aren’t alone. Try and figure out why it’s so hard for you to spend and your husband not. Often our childhood and parents play a huge role in this! I would definitely encourage a candid discussion between the two of you regarding where you learned your behaviors. It will help a great deal if you find out the root cause. Third, commit to paying bills together. This way you both can see how much you owe and how much you have. Finally, it might not be a bad idea to invest in a financial counselor. This way you designate someone neutral to make the decisions for you (and you and your husband aren’t the “bad” guy). You can find a counselor at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling: www.nfcc.org/
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I’m recently divorced and have a 5-year-old. I’ve since starting dating a really nice guy. How soon is too soon to introduce him to my daughter?
Signed,
Want to be the best Mom
Dear Want to be the best Mom,
I applaud you for really thinking this situation through before jumping into an immediate introduction. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been dating this new guy but I’m assuming it’s still relatively new. Therefore, I would wait until you make absolute sure this relationship is a serious one. The last thing you want to do is introduce your beau to your daughter and then have to explain later why it didn’t work out. So try and hold off until you feel like there is true potential for the two of you as a couple. Then I would introduce him to your daughter in a very child-focused environment. Does your daughter love the park? The zoo? Pick a spot you feel she would be the most comfortable. I would also keep the introduction light. “Mommy has a new friend she wants you to meet…” And try and hold off on being physical in front of your daughter for awhile. In this situation I think baby steps work best.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I hate the holidays!! Mainly because my uncle Rick drinks like a fish. Then he embarrasses me and the rest of the family at dinner with old stories that are often inappropriate (running around naked on the playground, etc.). It’s really unnecessary. What can I do?
Signed,
Dear
It’s totally understandable why you don’t like the holidays. Dealing with relatives is not easy—especially when they get inebriated at the dinner table! I would have a true heart-to-heart with your uncle before the event. Remember the sandwich method. Start with something nice, “Uncle Rick I really love being with you and I’m glad you are coming to Thanksgiving again this year.” Then place the “meat” of your conversation. “But I have to be honest and tell you that I get really embarrassed when you mention stories about me or other family members when we were younger. I feel like it’s not always comfortable for us when you talk about that. I’d really appreciate it if we could talk about other things. Maybe we can talk about how you are liking your new job?” Then end with something good again. “I hope you can respect my and the rest of the family’s feelings this year because I know we can have a really fun Thanksgiving. I look forward to seeing you.” If the pre-talk doesn’t work and Uncle Rick still acts up, I would immediately change the topic. The last thing you want to do is fuel the conversation by yelling at him or making a big deal out of it. Finally, if everyone else isn’t a big drinker in your family perhaps you could go alcohol-free this Thanksgiving?
All the best,
Kelli
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