Ask Kelli: Date Night Ideas, Help When It's Not Yours, & Wedding Gifts

Dear Kelli,
I've only been married for 3 years but I already feel bored. How we can spice up date night? We're always doing the same thing: dinner, movie, dinner, movie. What else can we do?

Signed,
Needing Ideas

Dear Needing Ideas,
You are not alone! It's very easy for married couples to get in a dating rut. Coming up with new ideas takes effort and who wants to do that? So let me do it for you:

1) Have a camping outing with tents and sleeping bags right in your own background! Grab a pack of marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate and make S'mores.
2) Rent a fancy car and take it out for a night on the town. For more information you can check out the Exotic Car Rental Directory:
http://www.exoticcarrental.com/car-rentals/usa/washington-dc/
3) Dance it up with a new lesson in salsa, the fox trout, or jazz. Joy of Motion in DC looks like it offers a variety: http://www.joyofmotion.org/
4) Make it a night under the stars at the Einstein Planetarium at the Smithsonian. Or see an Imax movie there. http://www.si.edu/imax/
5) Teach each other how to cook a new ethnic food or take a cooking class together. http://www.culinaerie.com/
6) Go to a nightclub together and pretend to have just met for the first time. Or better yet pretend to be two totally different people.
7) Buy glowsticks or take a flashlight and have a romantic walk in the park.
8) Do something adventurous! What about hangliding in Baltimore?
http://www.aerosports.net/
9) Do some volunteer work as a team. Here are a bunch of ideas:
http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/index.jsp?r=msa&l=56972%2C+
10) Recreate your very first date wearing your same outfits (if you still have em!) and quiz each other on who remembers more.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I have a huge problem when other people help me. I really appreciate it but they always do it wrong! Like my husband doesn't do the laundry the right way (forget the fabric softener) or my cleaner doesn't vacuum as well as I do. I've said something twice but should I keep voicing my opinion? What can I do?

Signed,
Help-less

Dear Help-less,
When you ask for help (which is a great first step by the way. Most people won't even ask for help) you have to know it is "conditional help'. In other words, it's their help. This means the help you receive is not going to be done in the exact fashion you would have done it. I think the first step for you is just accepting this simple fact. Next, try to put in perspective. In other words,
you might want to ask yourself: Do I want help that might not be perfect or no help at all?

The fear I have if you continue to verbalize your concerns to your husband or your housecleaner is that they will retract and not want to help at all. If you really feel the need to say something, however, I would do it very tactfully. First, acknowledge how thankful you are for the help then add your little tip. For example, "Husband, thank you so much for doing the laundry. It really helps me when I'm busy with work, walking the dog, and cooking dinner. But next time
you do the laundry would you mind throwing in a fabric softener sheet? No biggie but that would be awesome. Thanks so much!" Then next time he actually does your request make sure you recognize he did it. "Husband, I saw you threw it a fabric softener. Thanks so much. It not only shows you listen to me but you are a true champ at laundry!" (Hey, stroking the ego can never hurt…)

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
A good friend of mine never gave me a wedding gift. This was several years ago and I think he thought because he flew in for the wedding (from California, I live in DC) that his plane fare was the "gift." In two months is his wedding. Do I have to get him something?

Signed,
Gift?

Dear Gift?,
It's sometimes hard to put ourselves in other people's shoes. But I'm thinking in this case it might help you. For instance, I'm just wondering if perhaps your friend didn't have the money to also purchase a gift? We don't know if it was even a struggle for him to purchase the plane fare. Or maybe he didn't know you could also get a gift even if you purchased a flight? Who knows? Everyone grows up with a different set of "rules." But I'm thinking it definitely wasn't
malicious, just something he didn't do for his own reasoning. So that leaves me with you. Can you afford to get him a gift? If so, don't not get him a gift just to spite him. You know the golden rule: treat other people how you want to be treated. It sounds like you would have appreciated a gift, so be the bigger person and get him a gift.

All the best,
Kelli