Ask Kelli: Paying Babysitter, Persistent Friend, & Husband Spending on Frivolous Item

Dear Kelli,
I tell my babysitter to come at 3:30 pm on Mondays and Wednesdays. She usually comes around 3:05 pm and then gets right to work. Do I have to pay her for the time she comes early? She usually helps immediately when she arrives but I really don't need her to start until 3:30 pm (although I certainly don't mind the extra help!) I've made it clear that she doesn't need to be at my house until 3:30 pm, so she is definitely aware.

Signed,
Should I Pay?


Dear Should I Pay,
No. I think you're okay just paying her for the time you told her to be there. It's her decision to come early, especially since you made the start time clear. If she wants to "volunteer" for those extra 25 minutes she is most certainly entitled to!

What would be nice, however, is to give her a generous holiday bonus to show your appreciation at the end of this year.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I have a dear friend whom I adore. We used to work together about four years ago. Well, she started her own company now is actually doing something very different from what we used to do. I like the idea of what she's doing but am not interested in actually being a part of it. She's invited to work for her on several occasions and keeps persisting. I feel bad and guilty saying no outright, so I keep saying, "Yeah, I'll think about it" or "Perhaps a little later on." But now she keeps bugging me about it, to the point I'm getting really frustrated. What can I do?

Signed,
Don't Want to Join Her Company!


Dear Don't Want to Join Her Company,
Well, you can start by being honest with your friend. Of course she keeps asking you about this opportunity: She thinks you may actually want to be a part of it! So it's time to be upfront and real with her. You can say, "I'm so sorry, Lisa. Although I think what you're doing is awesome, I don't think this is going to work out for me and I'm sorry if I led you in a different direction. I'll definitely let you know if I change my mind, and if you want, I can help you brainstorm other potentials."

Just take this situation as a lesson learned. It's better to be upfront the first time, rather than beating around the bush several times.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My husband is constantly on my case about spending. (Yes, I'm definitely the spender in the family.) Last week, however, he went out and bought an old fixer-upper car. He never spends but I can't help but feel annoyed. Why do we need a fixer-upper car? I'd rather put that money towards clothes or things I've been so careful about not spending our money on! Do I have the right to be mad or should I just let this one go, considering he never really buys anything?

Signed,
Fix This One


Dear Fix This One,
I'd let this one go. Yes, you have a right to feel frustrated. You've probably been watching every penny and here you are seeing your husband spend on what you think is a frivolous purchase.

So I have two things to say about this. First of all, it may seem ridiculous to you, but this car is probably super-exciting to your husband. Just like clothes are cool and exciting to you (and he doesn't get it), this is his favorite splurge. Plus, this actually may be a hobby for him, not just a one-time purchase.

Second, I actually think it's a good thing that he's spending money. First, because it's healthy for everyone to splurge once in awhile and second, because splurging reminds your husband that it's okay to be deserving. This way he can cut you some slack for the future!

So yes, let this one go. But if keeps purchasing and simultaneously telling you to save, then we'll talk.

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: Resolving Spending Habits, Divorcee Dating with Kids, & Dealing with Drunk Relatives

Dear Kelli,

My husband is a spender like nobody’s business. I’m more of a frugal gal, so much so it’s sometimes hard for me to spend money. This has always been a problem for us but it gets worse during the holidays. How do we resolve this issue?

Signed,

Frugal Fanny

Dear Frugal Fanny,

First know your situation is not uncommon. Money is the number one thing couples fight about! It may be easy for partners to match up with likes and dislikes but it’s not always so easy to match up with spending habits. So know you aren’t alone. Try and figure out why it’s so hard for you to spend and your husband not. Often our childhood and parents play a huge role in this! I would definitely encourage a candid discussion between the two of you regarding where you learned your behaviors. It will help a great deal if you find out the root cause. Third, commit to paying bills together. This way you both can see how much you owe and how much you have. Finally, it might not be a bad idea to invest in a financial counselor. This way you designate someone neutral to make the decisions for you (and you and your husband aren’t the “bad” guy). You can find a counselor at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling: www.nfcc.org/

All the best,

Kelli

Dear Kelli,

I’m recently divorced and have a 5-year-old. I’ve since starting dating a really nice guy. How soon is too soon to introduce him to my daughter?

Signed,

Want to be the best Mom

Dear Want to be the best Mom,

I applaud you for really thinking this situation through before jumping into an immediate introduction. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been dating this new guy but I’m assuming it’s still relatively new. Therefore, I would wait until you make absolute sure this relationship is a serious one. The last thing you want to do is introduce your beau to your daughter and then have to explain later why it didn’t work out. So try and hold off until you feel like there is true potential for the two of you as a couple. Then I would introduce him to your daughter in a very child-focused environment. Does your daughter love the park? The zoo? Pick a spot you feel she would be the most comfortable. I would also keep the introduction light. “Mommy has a new friend she wants you to meet…” And try and hold off on being physical in front of your daughter for awhile. In this situation I think baby steps work best.

All the best,

Kelli

Dear Kelli,

I hate the holidays!! Mainly because my uncle Rick drinks like a fish. Then he embarrasses me and the rest of the family at dinner with old stories that are often inappropriate (running around naked on the playground, etc.). It’s really unnecessary. What can I do?

Signed,

Holiday Scruge

Dear Holiday Scruge,

It’s totally understandable why you don’t like the holidays. Dealing with relatives is not easy—especially when they get inebriated at the dinner table! I would have a true heart-to-heart with your uncle before the event. Remember the sandwich method. Start with something nice, “Uncle Rick I really love being with you and I’m glad you are coming to Thanksgiving again this year.” Then place the “meat” of your conversation. “But I have to be honest and tell you that I get really embarrassed when you mention stories about me or other family members when we were younger. I feel like it’s not always comfortable for us when you talk about that. I’d really appreciate it if we could talk about other things. Maybe we can talk about how you are liking your new job?” Then end with something good again. “I hope you can respect my and the rest of the family’s feelings this year because I know we can have a really fun Thanksgiving. I look forward to seeing you.” If the pre-talk doesn’t work and Uncle Rick still acts up, I would immediately change the topic. The last thing you want to do is fuel the conversation by yelling at him or making a big deal out of it. Finally, if everyone else isn’t a big drinker in your family perhaps you could go alcohol-free this Thanksgiving?

All the best,

Kelli