Dear Kelli,
I get so angry when I go to my doctor's office and I have to wait over an hour for my appointment. I feel like I'm wasting so much time. URG! I don't want to leave this particular doctor because I do like him. I just can't stand the waiting. What can I do?
Signed,
Waiting for Calm
Dear Waiting for Calm,
I can certainly understand why you're annoyed. Waiting for the doctor can be a very frustrating experience especially when you've made every attempt to get there on time. Here are my suggestions:
1) Expect the doctor to run late. Sometimes just preparing yourself for this scenario helps you feel less surprised when you get there. And chances are if he's late 4 out of 5 times, he'll be late the next time.
2) Call ahead before you leave for your appointment. Find out for certain if the doctor is running late. If he is you can hang back a few minutes before you leave.
3) Make "leisure time" out of waiting. Bring your favorite magazine, needlepoint, journal, etc., to help pass the time.
4) Savor the moment of just doing nothing. Sometimes I meditate while I'm waiting for an appointment. When do you have a chance to really do nothing?
5) Weigh the options. I know you mentioned you like this doctor. But weigh finding another doctor (with the risk of not liking him/her as much) or staying with this one and having to wait. You could always try a new doctor and see how you feel.
6) Try talking to this doctor about it. In a nice way you might want to say something like, "Is there anything I can do to ensure my next visit will be on time?" This way you are not placing the blame directly on the doctor and risking putting him on the defense.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I want to cook a healthy dinner for my family but I feel so pressed for time. I'm sick of junk food carryout and frankly, we don't have the money to keep doing it! I like cooking just don't have that much time. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Pressed Foodie
Dear Pressed Foodie,
You are speaking my language! I really like the following cookbook:
"The Six O'Clock Scramble" by Aviva Goldfarb (also online: http://thescramble.com/ )
And online I love these cooking sites:
1) http://www.foodnetwork.com/quick-and-easy/index.html
2) http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Everyday-Cooking/Quick-and-Easy/Main.aspx
3) http://www.myrecipes.com/recipes/quick-and-easy/
You can always prepare some ingredients the night before so you aren't as rushed the day of. Finally, I buy a lot of prepared vegetables in the grocery store (bagged salad, shredded carrots, etc.) It can be a bit more expensive but it's worth it when you are trying to save time!
Bon appetit,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I haven't spoken to my only brother (my only sibling) in over 11 years. We had a falling out years ago bit lately I've really been missing him. The problem is he was in the wrong and didn't treat me right. What do you recommend?
Signed,
Sibling Rivalry
Dear Sibling Rivalry,
Unless you want to spend the next 11 years not talking I recommend you be the bigger person here and call him up. It doesn't matter who was at fault, who started it, who ended it, yada, yada. All that matters is the present which is that you want to mend a broken relationship. Good for you.
I would start the first conversation off easy and light. Tell your brother you miss him and you don't like not talking. Then later when things settle you can ask what happened and perhaps set the boundaries for future interactions (so what happened doesn't happen again).
If you find yourself second guessing the situation ask yourself: Is it better to be right or to be happy?
You only have one brother. Life is too short to spend any more of it without him.
All the best,
Kelli
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Ask Kelli: Kids or No Kids, Lonely in the Ciy, Gossip, &
Dear Kelli,
I'm debating on whether or not my husband and I should have kids. I'm curious about your opinion.
Signed,
Mommy to Be?
Dear Mommy to Be?,
I'm assuming you and your husband had an in-depth discussion on this issue, right? Since this is a very big decision, that would be the first direction I'd lead you in. So I'm going to assume you've talked it over and just want a different (possibly objective) point of view. I'll try my best given I have an almost 8 month old son.
As cliché as it sounds, having a kid completely changes your life. Forget better or worse—-it's just after you have a kid your life isn't your own. Time management takes a lot of getting used to! And of course finances need to be taken into account as children don't come cheap (of course there are the basics diapers, crib, car seat, toys, etc. but some moms also have to factor in a nanny or daycare if they are working). Finally, having a child can be tiring. You'll have many a sleepless nights with feeding and crying. And so I heard once again when your teen starts driving.
Given all that, having a kid is the absolute greatest thing in the world. There is no love you feel like the love for your child. Yes, it's hard not having your own time, yes it's expensive, yes you're exhausted. But let me just tell you, when my son looks up at me and smiles, it trumps just about everything else. It has been simply amazing to experience all the different milestones with my child. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
My husband and I also debated this issue. We were big travelers and we weren't sure a child would enable us to explore. Sure, we don't travel as much, but having a child is an adventure. We're exploring in a different sense.
It's a difficult decision, I understand. But I believe more women regret not having a child then ever having one.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I was talking badly to a friend of mine about another friend of ours. Little did I know the friend I was gossiping about was two feet behind me. She heard everything! I'm mortified and of course now she won't talk to me. I understand why, but what can I do to repair our friendship?
Signed,
Not a Great Friend
Dear Not a Great Friend,
I'm glad you can see why your friend is upset. This will make your apology much more sincere. So with that being said I'd take the following steps:
1) Apologize with a handwritten note. This shows you are taking the time to think about what you've done. I believe a handwritten apology is a much classier way to show your remorse than an email or a phone call. (And of course don't apologize in a text!)
2) Own up to your behavior. Admit what you did wasn't right. Sometimes the person just has to hear your taking accountability for your action.
3) Give your friend some time. Often times distance is the best way for someone to forgive. You can say something like, "I understand you may need some time. I'll respect your space but know I'm always here when you are ready to talk."
4) Expect things to be different. Maybe not forever but at least for a little while. So have some patience and understanding.
5) Use this experience as a lesson learned. Look, we're not all saints (and let's be honest, we all gossip to a certain extent). But take this situation and figure out what you can learn from it. Perhaps you are better off confronting friends about what's bothering you than talking about it behind their backs with someone else. You can even mention this to your friend. "I realized now I should have talked directly to you about what I was upset about. This is a really great lesson for me to learn."
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm single and very, very lonely. I've read your other posts about taking classes, so I just signed up for two: a cooking class and a photographer class. And I've signed up for two dating websites. Anything else I can do? I just feel so isolated.
Signed,
Single in the City
Dear Single in the City,
I'm proud you've taken the steps I've suggested so far. I believe once you start your classes you'll feel more a part of things. In the meantime? Why don't you initiate your own singles support group? A support group will make you feel less alone, normalize and validate your feelings, and give you a chance to meet other single girls (wing woman, anyone?). Plus, if anything it will give you something to do, keep your mind off feeling lonely, and empower you in more ways than you think. The best part? You can decide on all the options. I'll make it easy for you and outline how to start:
1) Define your target audience. Okay, it's obvious you're targeting other singles but be what else? How about gender? Do you want this group too be women or men in the group too? What age group? Are you cool with college peeps and old grandpas? Specify. And where do you want your people from? Just your part of the city or are you okay with everywhere in the MD/DC/VA area?
2) Define the group's purpose. Is this group merely about connecting with other single women? Or is to meet other single males too? Are you looking to establish a group of girls to go out with just at night? Do you want a single's group that plays sports? Goes to the movies? You get my drift.
3) Publicize it. Here's where your marketing skills will come in handy.
A) Word of mouth. This is the best way in my opinion. Tell everyone you know singles and non-singles included) that you're starting a group. Ask them to spread the word too.
B) Send out a mass email. Same deal: tell people you're starting a singles group. Ask if they know anyone or would want to join. You'd be amazed how many singles will come out of the woodwork.
C) Design a simple flyer. Stick that sucker at the gym, grocery store, and library. If you don't know details yet, just include your name, phone number, and email address. Mention you're open to any ideas people have.
D) Utilize the internet. Meetups.com and Yahoo!Groups are both great way to publicize your event. And of course this listserv is great too. You can look for other venues similar to these as well.
4) Establish a first meeting
A) Pick an open forum. This is of course for safety reasons. Restaurants, the mall, a park, etc., are all good spots. Or you can call your local library. They usually offer study or community rooms for no fee (you just have to book it in advance).
B) Keep the meeting open to member's ideas. Ask questions to the group and see what they want to get out of it.
C) Establish a board and make people accountable. Accountability helps hold the group together because everyone has a specific task to do. Design a committee. Vote on a president (oversees how the group is running), social committee chairperson (in charge of the social events), treasurer (takes care of member funds if necessary), and secretary (keeps note and track of what was covered at the meeting)
D) Discuss rules. Is there a fee to join the group? How often do you want to meet? What days and times? Is alcohol allowed? If one member in the group dates another and it ends poorly do you want to establish a no stalking or harassing rule?
E) Create the next meeting. This way you're scheduling it while everyone is there.
This should certainly keep you busy!
Good luck,
Kelli
I'm debating on whether or not my husband and I should have kids. I'm curious about your opinion.
Signed,
Mommy to Be?
Dear Mommy to Be?,
I'm assuming you and your husband had an in-depth discussion on this issue, right? Since this is a very big decision, that would be the first direction I'd lead you in. So I'm going to assume you've talked it over and just want a different (possibly objective) point of view. I'll try my best given I have an almost 8 month old son.
As cliché as it sounds, having a kid completely changes your life. Forget better or worse—-it's just after you have a kid your life isn't your own. Time management takes a lot of getting used to! And of course finances need to be taken into account as children don't come cheap (of course there are the basics diapers, crib, car seat, toys, etc. but some moms also have to factor in a nanny or daycare if they are working). Finally, having a child can be tiring. You'll have many a sleepless nights with feeding and crying. And so I heard once again when your teen starts driving.
Given all that, having a kid is the absolute greatest thing in the world. There is no love you feel like the love for your child. Yes, it's hard not having your own time, yes it's expensive, yes you're exhausted. But let me just tell you, when my son looks up at me and smiles, it trumps just about everything else. It has been simply amazing to experience all the different milestones with my child. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
My husband and I also debated this issue. We were big travelers and we weren't sure a child would enable us to explore. Sure, we don't travel as much, but having a child is an adventure. We're exploring in a different sense.
It's a difficult decision, I understand. But I believe more women regret not having a child then ever having one.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I was talking badly to a friend of mine about another friend of ours. Little did I know the friend I was gossiping about was two feet behind me. She heard everything! I'm mortified and of course now she won't talk to me. I understand why, but what can I do to repair our friendship?
Signed,
Not a Great Friend
Dear Not a Great Friend,
I'm glad you can see why your friend is upset. This will make your apology much more sincere. So with that being said I'd take the following steps:
1) Apologize with a handwritten note. This shows you are taking the time to think about what you've done. I believe a handwritten apology is a much classier way to show your remorse than an email or a phone call. (And of course don't apologize in a text!)
2) Own up to your behavior. Admit what you did wasn't right. Sometimes the person just has to hear your taking accountability for your action.
3) Give your friend some time. Often times distance is the best way for someone to forgive. You can say something like, "I understand you may need some time. I'll respect your space but know I'm always here when you are ready to talk."
4) Expect things to be different. Maybe not forever but at least for a little while. So have some patience and understanding.
5) Use this experience as a lesson learned. Look, we're not all saints (and let's be honest, we all gossip to a certain extent). But take this situation and figure out what you can learn from it. Perhaps you are better off confronting friends about what's bothering you than talking about it behind their backs with someone else. You can even mention this to your friend. "I realized now I should have talked directly to you about what I was upset about. This is a really great lesson for me to learn."
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm single and very, very lonely. I've read your other posts about taking classes, so I just signed up for two: a cooking class and a photographer class. And I've signed up for two dating websites. Anything else I can do? I just feel so isolated.
Signed,
Single in the City
Dear Single in the City,
I'm proud you've taken the steps I've suggested so far. I believe once you start your classes you'll feel more a part of things. In the meantime? Why don't you initiate your own singles support group? A support group will make you feel less alone, normalize and validate your feelings, and give you a chance to meet other single girls (wing woman, anyone?). Plus, if anything it will give you something to do, keep your mind off feeling lonely, and empower you in more ways than you think. The best part? You can decide on all the options. I'll make it easy for you and outline how to start:
1) Define your target audience. Okay, it's obvious you're targeting other singles but be what else? How about gender? Do you want this group too be women or men in the group too? What age group? Are you cool with college peeps and old grandpas? Specify. And where do you want your people from? Just your part of the city or are you okay with everywhere in the MD/DC/VA area?
2) Define the group's purpose. Is this group merely about connecting with other single women? Or is to meet other single males too? Are you looking to establish a group of girls to go out with just at night? Do you want a single's group that plays sports? Goes to the movies? You get my drift.
3) Publicize it. Here's where your marketing skills will come in handy.
A) Word of mouth. This is the best way in my opinion. Tell everyone you know singles and non-singles included) that you're starting a group. Ask them to spread the word too.
B) Send out a mass email. Same deal: tell people you're starting a singles group. Ask if they know anyone or would want to join. You'd be amazed how many singles will come out of the woodwork.
C) Design a simple flyer. Stick that sucker at the gym, grocery store, and library. If you don't know details yet, just include your name, phone number, and email address. Mention you're open to any ideas people have.
D) Utilize the internet. Meetups.com and Yahoo!Groups are both great way to publicize your event. And of course this listserv is great too. You can look for other venues similar to these as well.
4) Establish a first meeting
A) Pick an open forum. This is of course for safety reasons. Restaurants, the mall, a park, etc., are all good spots. Or you can call your local library. They usually offer study or community rooms for no fee (you just have to book it in advance).
B) Keep the meeting open to member's ideas. Ask questions to the group and see what they want to get out of it.
C) Establish a board and make people accountable. Accountability helps hold the group together because everyone has a specific task to do. Design a committee. Vote on a president (oversees how the group is running), social committee chairperson (in charge of the social events), treasurer (takes care of member funds if necessary), and secretary (keeps note and track of what was covered at the meeting)
D) Discuss rules. Is there a fee to join the group? How often do you want to meet? What days and times? Is alcohol allowed? If one member in the group dates another and it ends poorly do you want to establish a no stalking or harassing rule?
E) Create the next meeting. This way you're scheduling it while everyone is there.
This should certainly keep you busy!
Good luck,
Kelli
Friday, February 26, 2010
Ask Kelli: No Passion on Date, Men's Receding Hair, & Frugal Foodie
Dear Kelli,
I have been meeting this wonderful man during the last two weeks and have been invited by him to two lunches, one dinner, a theater play and a film at the cinema. We have great conversations and we seem to click on multiple levels. I do not want to come across as anxious, but usually by the third date I would expect a more seductive hint, such as a touch of hands or even a passionate kiss. However, in spite of his continuing to invite me out -- we have plans in the coming days -- and really enjoying our company, it seems that it is not evolving beyond a platonic level. I am interested in something more than that, but my terrible fear is that he may be gay. If I confront him in that regard, he may take offense (if he is not!) and worse, I could lose this wonderful friendship altogether. Any advice on how to move forward?
Signed,
A Woman Yearning for Passion
Dear Woman Yearning for Passion,
Patience my girl! Patience! It's only been two weeks -- not two years! I actually think it's great you two are taking it slow. So many times couples get intimate way too quickly and miss out on really getting to know each other. I know it's hard. If you're anything short of a nun it's not going to be easy. But I would really take this chance to see if you guys are really a good match. What is his position on the death penalty? Is he into 20/20 or Housewives of Atlanta? Does he like hiking or is his idea of exercise getting up to get a beer? You catch my drift…
With that said, I would wait just a little bit longer. If after a month or two from now he's still acting statue-esque, it's time for a talk. I would say something along the lines of:
"I've really enjoyed your company these last few weeks. But I did just want to check in and see how you feel about our relationship. How do you view it?"
However you want to do it, I would just make sure to leave the question open-ended. An open-ended question facilitates more of a detailed response rather than a yes or no question which can be answered in one quick word. And for this you want as much detail as possible!
All the best,
Kelli
Hey Kelli,
I'm 24 and am dating a great guy who is 25. While it does not bother me, his hair line is definitely receding and I think it qualifies as male pattern baldness. It doesn't bother me at all, but it definitely bothers him. He's sort of growing his hair out to cover up the front and actually the shaggy combover look probably isn't the most flattering style he could rock. What can I do as a girlfriend to help him realize that it's okay to have a receding hairline, and that accepting hair loss gracefully is more attractive than trying to mask it with complicated hair styles? He definitely hasn't had a haircut in months and it's starting to look unkempt and doesn't really even hide the receding hairline. I read online that Rogaine isn't for a receding hairline. Could he be a candidate for Propecia? And what is my role as his girlfriend in this?
Signed,
Doesn't Know How to Help
Dear Doesn't Know How to Help,
I think it's smart that you're approaching this subject with delicacy. I relate a man's hair to a woman's weight: Approach with caution.
I had an idea but it takes your participation as well. Say to your man, "Hey, I've been thinking about it. What if we do something totally different and both got makeovers?" Now you can either do something drastic like change your hair style (or color) or do something not as extreme and just change your style of clothing. The idea is to show him you are able to step out of the box as well. Then I would simply suggest the idea of a new hairstyle for him. If he does choose to do it, be sure to praise him and tell him how wonderful and sexy he looks. And be sure to reward him (if you get my drift...)
If he's resistant to a makeover, then I would suggest taking the cutesy but honest approach. Maybe something like, "Hey John, you know I'm great with fashion and trends, right? And I was thinking -- you have such beautiful eyes. But the way you do your hair doesn't really show them off. Why not just go more natural? What if we style your hair this way? You'd look so hot without it." Who could resist that, especially coming from the person he admires the most?!
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
My husband and I are tight with finances right now and we're quite embarrassed by it. Our best couple friends do not have this problem. Because money isn't an issue for them, they are constantly asking us to go to expensive restaurants. I can't afford inexpensive restaurants, let alone expensive ones! I don't want to seem cheap and I'm not ready to be honest about our finances. I also don't want to lose out on their friendship. We're really enjoyed eating with them in the past. What to do?
Signed,
Frugal Foodie
Dear Frugal Foodie,
Call them up and invite them to your house for dinner. You can serve four and even a bottle of wine for very little money. If you enjoy the evening, ask them if they wouldn't mind doing the home thing more often, maybe even switching off houses. Tell them you like the ambiance, not worrying about parking, and making dinner all together.
You can read more about budget friendly recipes here:
http://allrecipes.com/HowTo/Cooking-on-a-Budget/Detail.aspx
http://www.betterbudgeting.com/frugalrecipelist.htm
http://www.cheapcooking.com/
When the weather gets warmer you can also suggest a picnic outside.
All the best,
Kelli
I have been meeting this wonderful man during the last two weeks and have been invited by him to two lunches, one dinner, a theater play and a film at the cinema. We have great conversations and we seem to click on multiple levels. I do not want to come across as anxious, but usually by the third date I would expect a more seductive hint, such as a touch of hands or even a passionate kiss. However, in spite of his continuing to invite me out -- we have plans in the coming days -- and really enjoying our company, it seems that it is not evolving beyond a platonic level. I am interested in something more than that, but my terrible fear is that he may be gay. If I confront him in that regard, he may take offense (if he is not!) and worse, I could lose this wonderful friendship altogether. Any advice on how to move forward?
Signed,
A Woman Yearning for Passion
Dear Woman Yearning for Passion,
Patience my girl! Patience! It's only been two weeks -- not two years! I actually think it's great you two are taking it slow. So many times couples get intimate way too quickly and miss out on really getting to know each other. I know it's hard. If you're anything short of a nun it's not going to be easy. But I would really take this chance to see if you guys are really a good match. What is his position on the death penalty? Is he into 20/20 or Housewives of Atlanta? Does he like hiking or is his idea of exercise getting up to get a beer? You catch my drift…
With that said, I would wait just a little bit longer. If after a month or two from now he's still acting statue-esque, it's time for a talk. I would say something along the lines of:
"I've really enjoyed your company these last few weeks. But I did just want to check in and see how you feel about our relationship. How do you view it?"
However you want to do it, I would just make sure to leave the question open-ended. An open-ended question facilitates more of a detailed response rather than a yes or no question which can be answered in one quick word. And for this you want as much detail as possible!
All the best,
Kelli
Hey Kelli,
I'm 24 and am dating a great guy who is 25. While it does not bother me, his hair line is definitely receding and I think it qualifies as male pattern baldness. It doesn't bother me at all, but it definitely bothers him. He's sort of growing his hair out to cover up the front and actually the shaggy combover look probably isn't the most flattering style he could rock. What can I do as a girlfriend to help him realize that it's okay to have a receding hairline, and that accepting hair loss gracefully is more attractive than trying to mask it with complicated hair styles? He definitely hasn't had a haircut in months and it's starting to look unkempt and doesn't really even hide the receding hairline. I read online that Rogaine isn't for a receding hairline. Could he be a candidate for Propecia? And what is my role as his girlfriend in this?
Signed,
Doesn't Know How to Help
Dear Doesn't Know How to Help,
I think it's smart that you're approaching this subject with delicacy. I relate a man's hair to a woman's weight: Approach with caution.
I had an idea but it takes your participation as well. Say to your man, "Hey, I've been thinking about it. What if we do something totally different and both got makeovers?" Now you can either do something drastic like change your hair style (or color) or do something not as extreme and just change your style of clothing. The idea is to show him you are able to step out of the box as well. Then I would simply suggest the idea of a new hairstyle for him. If he does choose to do it, be sure to praise him and tell him how wonderful and sexy he looks. And be sure to reward him (if you get my drift...)
If he's resistant to a makeover, then I would suggest taking the cutesy but honest approach. Maybe something like, "Hey John, you know I'm great with fashion and trends, right? And I was thinking -- you have such beautiful eyes. But the way you do your hair doesn't really show them off. Why not just go more natural? What if we style your hair this way? You'd look so hot without it." Who could resist that, especially coming from the person he admires the most?!
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
My husband and I are tight with finances right now and we're quite embarrassed by it. Our best couple friends do not have this problem. Because money isn't an issue for them, they are constantly asking us to go to expensive restaurants. I can't afford inexpensive restaurants, let alone expensive ones! I don't want to seem cheap and I'm not ready to be honest about our finances. I also don't want to lose out on their friendship. We're really enjoyed eating with them in the past. What to do?
Signed,
Frugal Foodie
Dear Frugal Foodie,
Call them up and invite them to your house for dinner. You can serve four and even a bottle of wine for very little money. If you enjoy the evening, ask them if they wouldn't mind doing the home thing more often, maybe even switching off houses. Tell them you like the ambiance, not worrying about parking, and making dinner all together.
You can read more about budget friendly recipes here:
http://allrecipes.com/HowTo/Cooking-on-a-Budget/Detail.aspx
http://www.betterbudgeting.com/frugalrecipelist.htm
http://www.cheapcooking.com/
When the weather gets warmer you can also suggest a picnic outside.
All the best,
Kelli
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Ask Kelli: Meditation, Too Shy & New Classes
Dear Kelli,
I'm trying to meditate but having problems. I feel like I can't sit still for more than a few minutes. Do you have any recommendations?
Signed,
Too Stressed to Meditate
Dear Too Stressed to Meditate,
First know there is absolutely no wrong way to meditate except if you don't do it all! So release yourself from thinking you have to do it perfectly. Also it's helpful to realize meditation isn't always supposed to feel relaxing. It's really how you are feeling in the present moment. So have no expectations and just take your practice for what it is.
You might want to take a course to help get you started or maintain your current
practice. I found it helpful to learn a specific meditation technique like using a mantra (sound or phrase to repeat during meditation). But you can see what works best for you. You can check out some of these meditation centers in DC:
1) Insight Meditation Community of Washington http://www.imcw.org/
2) Washington Mindfulness Center http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/
3) Still Water Mindfulness http://www.stillwatermpc.org/
Finally, one of my favorite books on meditation is: "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It can help you get started or keep you motivated with your current practice.
Namaste,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm really shy and absolutely hate going to social events. I get really anxious and at times even petrified. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking horrible things about me! What can I do?
Signed,
Party Pooper
Dear Party Pooper,
Just from reading your post I'm thinking you have social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia. It's where a person has an excessive and irrational fear of social situations. Since I can't see you in person, I would high encourage you to seek a therapist to help diagnose you for sure.
But in the meantime there a couple of tricks I like to recommend:
1) When you are at a party try and concentrate on everyone else. In other words, when your brain starts thinking, "Is he looking at my clothes/hair/etc.?" I want you to reverse it and think, "I wonder what he/she/they are feeling. I wonder if they are happy with their outfit/drink/etc."
2) Ask people questions about them. What do they like to do? Do they like their job? What do they think of this crazy weather we're having? Think of random fun questions. It's a win-win. You get the focus off yourself and EVERYONE loves to talk about themselves!
3) Look at asking people about them as a "job" or doing service. It is your "job" to make this person feel more comfortable.
4) If you can't muster the courage to talk to people ask the host what you can help do. Can you help set up chairs? Pour coffee? It sometimes helps to have a specific job to do while at a party.
5) Do some deep breathing before social events. Slow breathing automatically slows down your whole body, including your mind. Here's what I do: breath in very slowly through you nose (counting to 5 and then out again through your mouth (counting to 5 again). Do this fully for three cycles before you enter the party. And if you feel yourself tensing up at the party excuse yourself to the bathroom. The beauty of the bathroom is that it is private. You can breath in the stall and no one has to know!
7) You'll feel more in control if you can learn more about what you are experiencing. So I would recommend reading up on social anxiety. The books I like are: "Dying of Embarrassment: Help for Social Anxiety and Phobia" by Jerilyn Ross, MA, LICSW and "Social Phobia: From Shyness to Stage Fright" By John R. Marshall, MD.
8) It sounds counter-intuitive but join a support group for social phobia. You can learn more here: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm sick of the same old classes- dance, music, art, etc. Any ideas on a cool new class?
Thanks,
Class Act
Dear Class Act,
Sure, here are my thoughts:
1) Kendo (modern sword training)
2) Sign Language
3) Aromatherapy
4) Tae Kwan Do (Korean martial art)
5) Reflexology
6) Batik
7) Gemology
8) Calligraphy
9) Belly dancing
10) Badminton
11) Chinese Gu Zengh (Gu Zheng is a Chinese string-instrument)
Good luck,
Kelli
I'm trying to meditate but having problems. I feel like I can't sit still for more than a few minutes. Do you have any recommendations?
Signed,
Too Stressed to Meditate
Dear Too Stressed to Meditate,
First know there is absolutely no wrong way to meditate except if you don't do it all! So release yourself from thinking you have to do it perfectly. Also it's helpful to realize meditation isn't always supposed to feel relaxing. It's really how you are feeling in the present moment. So have no expectations and just take your practice for what it is.
You might want to take a course to help get you started or maintain your current
practice. I found it helpful to learn a specific meditation technique like using a mantra (sound or phrase to repeat during meditation). But you can see what works best for you. You can check out some of these meditation centers in DC:
1) Insight Meditation Community of Washington http://www.imcw.org/
2) Washington Mindfulness Center http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/
3) Still Water Mindfulness http://www.stillwatermpc.org/
Finally, one of my favorite books on meditation is: "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It can help you get started or keep you motivated with your current practice.
Namaste,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm really shy and absolutely hate going to social events. I get really anxious and at times even petrified. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking horrible things about me! What can I do?
Signed,
Party Pooper
Dear Party Pooper,
Just from reading your post I'm thinking you have social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia. It's where a person has an excessive and irrational fear of social situations. Since I can't see you in person, I would high encourage you to seek a therapist to help diagnose you for sure.
But in the meantime there a couple of tricks I like to recommend:
1) When you are at a party try and concentrate on everyone else. In other words, when your brain starts thinking, "Is he looking at my clothes/hair/etc.?" I want you to reverse it and think, "I wonder what he/she/they are feeling. I wonder if they are happy with their outfit/drink/etc."
2) Ask people questions about them. What do they like to do? Do they like their job? What do they think of this crazy weather we're having? Think of random fun questions. It's a win-win. You get the focus off yourself and EVERYONE loves to talk about themselves!
3) Look at asking people about them as a "job" or doing service. It is your "job" to make this person feel more comfortable.
4) If you can't muster the courage to talk to people ask the host what you can help do. Can you help set up chairs? Pour coffee? It sometimes helps to have a specific job to do while at a party.
5) Do some deep breathing before social events. Slow breathing automatically slows down your whole body, including your mind. Here's what I do: breath in very slowly through you nose (counting to 5 and then out again through your mouth (counting to 5 again). Do this fully for three cycles before you enter the party. And if you feel yourself tensing up at the party excuse yourself to the bathroom. The beauty of the bathroom is that it is private. You can breath in the stall and no one has to know!
7) You'll feel more in control if you can learn more about what you are experiencing. So I would recommend reading up on social anxiety. The books I like are: "Dying of Embarrassment: Help for Social Anxiety and Phobia" by Jerilyn Ross, MA, LICSW and "Social Phobia: From Shyness to Stage Fright" By John R. Marshall, MD.
8) It sounds counter-intuitive but join a support group for social phobia. You can learn more here: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm sick of the same old classes- dance, music, art, etc. Any ideas on a cool new class?
Thanks,
Class Act
Dear Class Act,
Sure, here are my thoughts:
1) Kendo (modern sword training)
2) Sign Language
3) Aromatherapy
4) Tae Kwan Do (Korean martial art)
5) Reflexology
6) Batik
7) Gemology
8) Calligraphy
9) Belly dancing
10) Badminton
11) Chinese Gu Zengh (Gu Zheng is a Chinese string-instrument)
Good luck,
Kelli
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Ask Kelli: Myrtle Beach, Dating While Separated, & Irresponsible Co-workers
Dear Kelli,
I'm thinking of taking a trip to Myrtle Beach with my family in the spring. Is this a good place to take kids? Thoughts?
Signed,
Sun and Sand Lover
Dear Sun and Sand Lover,
I've heard wonderful things about Myrtle Beach for family vacations. But don't just take my word for it. See what real moms and dads have to say here:
http://www.familyvacationcritic.com/myrtle-beach/dh/
Additionally, here are some other great travel websites where you can find out more:
1) http://www.familytravelfiles.com
2) http://www.tripadvisor.com
3) http://www.wejustgotback.com
And finally don't forget to check out Myrtle Beach own websites:
4) www.myrtlebeach.com/
5) www.cityofmyrtlebeach.com/visitors.html
6) www.visitmyrtlebeach.com/
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
What do you say about dating before you are officially divorced? I'm now separated but want to start dating again. I won't be technically divorced until next May so is it wrong for me to put myself out there now?
Signed,
Women Needing Some Comfort
Dear Women Needing Some Comfort,
I think it's absolutely fine to date while separated but only if you are upfront about your circumstance. If you meet someone you like, you owe it to that person to let them know about your situation. Being upfront starts off the relationship with clean and honest communication. The best way to start a relationship in my opinion! There are no secrets and you won't ever have to dance around the issue, or fear you'll be "found out." You've done your part and now it's up to the person you are dating whether or not they are comfortable with your separated status.
If you are considering online dating, just be sure to note it in your profile as well.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I can't stand irresponsible people! There have been several times where I've emailed a specific co-worker (regarding a project) and gotten a response five days later. What can I do? I'm at my wits end!
Signed,
Frustrated with Irresponsibility
Dear Frustrated with Irresponsibility,
One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to accept that everyone works on a different timeline. Now it may not be the timeline you use (or want the other person to use) but it's the reality. And I know it stinks. I'm with you on this one. Especially when you're the efficient and punctual one and your co-worker, well, isn't.
So here are my suggestions:
1) When you are collaborating on a project, ask your co-worker the best way to communicate with her or him. I've learned some people love email, others hate it and do better with the phone or text. Find out.
2) Ask specific questions about when the best time to communicate is. "Do you want to be contacted as soon as I complete my end of the project or would you rather I give you a 10 minutes heads up?" This way your co-worker knows you will be contacting them and will be expecting it.
3) Make the co-worker accountable for his or her actions. So when you sit down to discuss the project, say something like, "Okay, great. So I'll draft up X on Thursday, do you think you can add Y and Z on Friday? This way, once Cindy gets Y and Z on Friday she can have the weekend to perfect it and turn it on Monday."
4) If you have to resort to email, cc your boss on it.
5) Finally, be kind. Nothing good comes out of snotty comments to co-workers even if you have reason to be annoyed.
All the best,
Kelli
I'm thinking of taking a trip to Myrtle Beach with my family in the spring. Is this a good place to take kids? Thoughts?
Signed,
Sun and Sand Lover
Dear Sun and Sand Lover,
I've heard wonderful things about Myrtle Beach for family vacations. But don't just take my word for it. See what real moms and dads have to say here:
http://www.familyvacationcritic.com/myrtle-beach/dh/
Additionally, here are some other great travel websites where you can find out more:
1) http://www.familytravelfiles.com
2) http://www.tripadvisor.com
3) http://www.wejustgotback.com
And finally don't forget to check out Myrtle Beach own websites:
4) www.myrtlebeach.com/
5) www.cityofmyrtlebeach.com/visitors.html
6) www.visitmyrtlebeach.com/
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
What do you say about dating before you are officially divorced? I'm now separated but want to start dating again. I won't be technically divorced until next May so is it wrong for me to put myself out there now?
Signed,
Women Needing Some Comfort
Dear Women Needing Some Comfort,
I think it's absolutely fine to date while separated but only if you are upfront about your circumstance. If you meet someone you like, you owe it to that person to let them know about your situation. Being upfront starts off the relationship with clean and honest communication. The best way to start a relationship in my opinion! There are no secrets and you won't ever have to dance around the issue, or fear you'll be "found out." You've done your part and now it's up to the person you are dating whether or not they are comfortable with your separated status.
If you are considering online dating, just be sure to note it in your profile as well.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I can't stand irresponsible people! There have been several times where I've emailed a specific co-worker (regarding a project) and gotten a response five days later. What can I do? I'm at my wits end!
Signed,
Frustrated with Irresponsibility
Dear Frustrated with Irresponsibility,
One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to accept that everyone works on a different timeline. Now it may not be the timeline you use (or want the other person to use) but it's the reality. And I know it stinks. I'm with you on this one. Especially when you're the efficient and punctual one and your co-worker, well, isn't.
So here are my suggestions:
1) When you are collaborating on a project, ask your co-worker the best way to communicate with her or him. I've learned some people love email, others hate it and do better with the phone or text. Find out.
2) Ask specific questions about when the best time to communicate is. "Do you want to be contacted as soon as I complete my end of the project or would you rather I give you a 10 minutes heads up?" This way your co-worker knows you will be contacting them and will be expecting it.
3) Make the co-worker accountable for his or her actions. So when you sit down to discuss the project, say something like, "Okay, great. So I'll draft up X on Thursday, do you think you can add Y and Z on Friday? This way, once Cindy gets Y and Z on Friday she can have the weekend to perfect it and turn it on Monday."
4) If you have to resort to email, cc your boss on it.
5) Finally, be kind. Nothing good comes out of snotty comments to co-workers even if you have reason to be annoyed.
All the best,
Kelli
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Ask Kelli: Job questions, Support Groups, & Gym Equipment
Dear Kelli,
I am currently unemployed. A year ago I left the office job where I was absolutely miserable and stressed. All the jobs in the past never made me even as much as 50% happy. I tried to find a simpler job, where I will have a peace of mind. I took a certificate class to become a home caregiver through an agency, I accepted an assignment but left the job due to very low pay and high transportation expenses, and honestly I was not happy even doing the requirements of that job. I have been looking for other "easygoing, simple nature" jobs, but no success yet.
Since I am still unemployed and need to support a family, a friend of mine suggested that I apply for a position within her company. I just got interviewed, and am scheduled for a second round again this week. It is a job in a fast-paced environment, with tight deadlines, an environment where something always changes -- all things that I am really trying to avoid in my life. I think I just don't handle stress well. My friend tells me that it is an easy job, that I know how to do it, and if she can do it, why can't I do it, and she will be the one to train me, and I will be hired as a third person on this job, which will be shared among three of us, etc. She is really trying to get me hired, and get me employed. I am grateful and appreciate it. But if this job is offered to me (which probably will happen next week) -- honestly, I am afraid to accept it.
How can I help myself to make a decision? One part of me says: "you need to feed your family, just get the job, you can do it, you have a potential, you are educated, smart", but another part of me just does not want to deal with a possible stressful environment. I just do not want to trap myself again, and repeat the same old pattern. I do not know what to do. What is wrong with me? If all the answers are within us--how can I find the one I need right now?
Signed,
Very Grateful for Your Opinion
Dear Very Grateful for Your Opinion,
Okay, first just a little reminder to think about today. What I mean by that is you haven't technically gotten the job yet. So often we stress about "what ifs" when they may or may not ever happen. So just keep telling yourself that you really only need to worry about today.
With that being said, however, I know I was on vacation when you wrote this letter. So let's assume you did get the job (and congratulations if that is the case). I absolutely 100% think you should take the job. Forget the basics that you need to support your family, you're smart and can do the job, etc., but how do you know for certain that this job will be too stressful for you? You haven't even given it a chance yet! So, I think you are "futurizing" here. That means concentrating and worrying too much about the future because you are anxious and fearful. And that's not a valid reason not to accept a job, in my opinion. Now if, however, in three months you really do feel you can't handle the job out of stress, then we'll talk. But for now, take the job because you really don't know how it will be. Sure, we're all scared when we are offered a new job. But we can let that hold us back (and not accept the job) or we can surrender to the excitement and adventure of it all. Just remember too: no job will ever be perfect. You'll have your good days and your bad. That's all part of the package.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
Are there any other support groups besides 12 step programs like AA or Al-Anon?
Groups that will help with self-esteem, overcoming fears, building up confidence, and so forth?
Signed,
Needing Support
Dear Needing Support,
Yes, there is Emotions Anonymous which is a 12-step program "for the purpose of working toward recovery from emotional difficulties." You can find more information here: http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/ .
There's also an online support group regarding self-confidence here: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Want-More-Self-confidence/21220 . Not sure if it is 12-step based but if you are just looking for online support, this looks like a good resource.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm training for a marathon that happens in May. Do I need to abide by the gym's 30-minute rule on the treadmill?
Signed,
Desperate Athlete
Dear Desperate Athlete,
It doesn't matter if you are Lance Armstrong training for the Tour de France, the 30-minute applies to everyone no matter what their justifications. My advice (aside from running outside) is to do 30 minutes on all the different machines. Not only will you get a great cross-training workout but you'll also keep friends at the gym.
All the best,
Kelli
I am currently unemployed. A year ago I left the office job where I was absolutely miserable and stressed. All the jobs in the past never made me even as much as 50% happy. I tried to find a simpler job, where I will have a peace of mind. I took a certificate class to become a home caregiver through an agency, I accepted an assignment but left the job due to very low pay and high transportation expenses, and honestly I was not happy even doing the requirements of that job. I have been looking for other "easygoing, simple nature" jobs, but no success yet.
Since I am still unemployed and need to support a family, a friend of mine suggested that I apply for a position within her company. I just got interviewed, and am scheduled for a second round again this week. It is a job in a fast-paced environment, with tight deadlines, an environment where something always changes -- all things that I am really trying to avoid in my life. I think I just don't handle stress well. My friend tells me that it is an easy job, that I know how to do it, and if she can do it, why can't I do it, and she will be the one to train me, and I will be hired as a third person on this job, which will be shared among three of us, etc. She is really trying to get me hired, and get me employed. I am grateful and appreciate it. But if this job is offered to me (which probably will happen next week) -- honestly, I am afraid to accept it.
How can I help myself to make a decision? One part of me says: "you need to feed your family, just get the job, you can do it, you have a potential, you are educated, smart", but another part of me just does not want to deal with a possible stressful environment. I just do not want to trap myself again, and repeat the same old pattern. I do not know what to do. What is wrong with me? If all the answers are within us--how can I find the one I need right now?
Signed,
Very Grateful for Your Opinion
Dear Very Grateful for Your Opinion,
Okay, first just a little reminder to think about today. What I mean by that is you haven't technically gotten the job yet. So often we stress about "what ifs" when they may or may not ever happen. So just keep telling yourself that you really only need to worry about today.
With that being said, however, I know I was on vacation when you wrote this letter. So let's assume you did get the job (and congratulations if that is the case). I absolutely 100% think you should take the job. Forget the basics that you need to support your family, you're smart and can do the job, etc., but how do you know for certain that this job will be too stressful for you? You haven't even given it a chance yet! So, I think you are "futurizing" here. That means concentrating and worrying too much about the future because you are anxious and fearful. And that's not a valid reason not to accept a job, in my opinion. Now if, however, in three months you really do feel you can't handle the job out of stress, then we'll talk. But for now, take the job because you really don't know how it will be. Sure, we're all scared when we are offered a new job. But we can let that hold us back (and not accept the job) or we can surrender to the excitement and adventure of it all. Just remember too: no job will ever be perfect. You'll have your good days and your bad. That's all part of the package.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
Are there any other support groups besides 12 step programs like AA or Al-Anon?
Groups that will help with self-esteem, overcoming fears, building up confidence, and so forth?
Signed,
Needing Support
Dear Needing Support,
Yes, there is Emotions Anonymous which is a 12-step program "for the purpose of working toward recovery from emotional difficulties." You can find more information here: http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/ .
There's also an online support group regarding self-confidence here: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Want-More-Self-confidence/21220 . Not sure if it is 12-step based but if you are just looking for online support, this looks like a good resource.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm training for a marathon that happens in May. Do I need to abide by the gym's 30-minute rule on the treadmill?
Signed,
Desperate Athlete
Dear Desperate Athlete,
It doesn't matter if you are Lance Armstrong training for the Tour de France, the 30-minute applies to everyone no matter what their justifications. My advice (aside from running outside) is to do 30 minutes on all the different machines. Not only will you get a great cross-training workout but you'll also keep friends at the gym.
All the best,
Kelli
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Ask Kelli: More Wide Shoes, Asking a Woman Out, & Son Acne
Hi Kelli,
Your answer to the question about shoes was fine -- except for people with double wide feet. Even Richey, even Public Shoe Store in Clarendon, can't help. I'm stuck with New Balance 811s and Ugg boots, not really Kennedy Center attire. I have ordered Drews and P.W. Minors by catalog, and still no luck. I can wear Merrill clogs (European size 38) around the house but am not confident to wear them outside when I may have to do stairs. I'm having a pair of "dress shoes" -- low-heeled pumps -- made by the cobbler on Calvert Street, but even he is on his second try. Do you have any further ideas? I'm not about to go online and keep having to ship back shoes that don't fit; anyway WW or EE choices are very few.
I would appreciate your help.
Signed,
Faithful Reader
Dear Faithful Reader,
I have the perfect solution for you!
1) Zappos (http://www.zappos.com) They carry a great variety of extra wide shoes and it's free shipping both ways! I found a nice selection of WW pumps here: http://bit.ly/5pVmnI
2) Chic Wide Shoes (http://www.chicwideshoes.com) They also offer free shipping but it's one way.
3) Dave's Extra Wide Shoes (http://www.daveswideshoes.com) They offer free shipping over $100.
4) Shoemall (http://www.shoemall.com) They carry a decent selection of WW shoes and offer free shipping one way.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
In your opinion what is the best way to ask a woman out?
Signed,
Curious
Dear Curious,
The best way, in my opinion, is the way you feel most comfortable. There is nothing sexier than a man with confidence. So asking out a woman the way you feel most at ease will be best for both parties.
But in case you need some more tips: don't discount simplicity. Asking a woman out doesn't have to be a big, long, drawn-out production. "I, uh, I'm thinking that I like you. You're nice and sweet. And kind. Oh and pretty. And I like your sweater. Uh, I think we have, like, chemistry. Yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, maybe, one day, not today exactly because it's a Monday, but sometime, maybe in the future, yeah we could go out." Just say it. "I really enjoy your company. Would you be open for dinner sometime?"
Finally, don't be afraid of rejection. You're pretty much guaranteed no date at all if you don't ask the woman out. So at least by asking her out, you are beating a zero chance.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
My teenage son has horrible acne. I can tell he feels pretty upset about it. We've been to a dermatologist and he's on the proper medicine but I also know it takes time to kick in. I'm wondering if you have any suggestions in the meantime.
Signed,
Helping My Son
Dear Helping My Son,
The teen years in general can be extremely difficult. Throw in an acne issue and it's even more understandable why your son would feel extra isolated and self-conscious.
Here are my thoughts:
1) Share what exactly acne is so your son doesn't blame himself. There are tons of myths about what causes acne (e.g., chocolate or fatty foods) and kids get overwhelmed and confused. Mayo Clinic is a great place to start for a simple explanation: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/acne/DS00169
2) Keep reminding your son that his acne will most likely clear up. Often times teens feel this will be a problem for life and they can't foresee it ever going away. In most cases acne is hormonal, so it will most likely dissipate on its own.
3) Tell your son he's not alone. Eighty percent of teens get acne.
4) Encourage your son to join an online acne support group.
Here are some resources that he can check out:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Acne/support-group
http://teenage-acne.net/forum
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acnetips/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/acne_support/
All the best,
Kelli
Your answer to the question about shoes was fine -- except for people with double wide feet. Even Richey, even Public Shoe Store in Clarendon, can't help. I'm stuck with New Balance 811s and Ugg boots, not really Kennedy Center attire. I have ordered Drews and P.W. Minors by catalog, and still no luck. I can wear Merrill clogs (European size 38) around the house but am not confident to wear them outside when I may have to do stairs. I'm having a pair of "dress shoes" -- low-heeled pumps -- made by the cobbler on Calvert Street, but even he is on his second try. Do you have any further ideas? I'm not about to go online and keep having to ship back shoes that don't fit; anyway WW or EE choices are very few.
I would appreciate your help.
Signed,
Faithful Reader
Dear Faithful Reader,
I have the perfect solution for you!
1) Zappos (http://www.zappos.com) They carry a great variety of extra wide shoes and it's free shipping both ways! I found a nice selection of WW pumps here: http://bit.ly/5pVmnI
2) Chic Wide Shoes (http://www.chicwideshoes.com) They also offer free shipping but it's one way.
3) Dave's Extra Wide Shoes (http://www.daveswideshoes.com) They offer free shipping over $100.
4) Shoemall (http://www.shoemall.com) They carry a decent selection of WW shoes and offer free shipping one way.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
In your opinion what is the best way to ask a woman out?
Signed,
Curious
Dear Curious,
The best way, in my opinion, is the way you feel most comfortable. There is nothing sexier than a man with confidence. So asking out a woman the way you feel most at ease will be best for both parties.
But in case you need some more tips: don't discount simplicity. Asking a woman out doesn't have to be a big, long, drawn-out production. "I, uh, I'm thinking that I like you. You're nice and sweet. And kind. Oh and pretty. And I like your sweater. Uh, I think we have, like, chemistry. Yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, maybe, one day, not today exactly because it's a Monday, but sometime, maybe in the future, yeah we could go out." Just say it. "I really enjoy your company. Would you be open for dinner sometime?"
Finally, don't be afraid of rejection. You're pretty much guaranteed no date at all if you don't ask the woman out. So at least by asking her out, you are beating a zero chance.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
My teenage son has horrible acne. I can tell he feels pretty upset about it. We've been to a dermatologist and he's on the proper medicine but I also know it takes time to kick in. I'm wondering if you have any suggestions in the meantime.
Signed,
Helping My Son
Dear Helping My Son,
The teen years in general can be extremely difficult. Throw in an acne issue and it's even more understandable why your son would feel extra isolated and self-conscious.
Here are my thoughts:
1) Share what exactly acne is so your son doesn't blame himself. There are tons of myths about what causes acne (e.g., chocolate or fatty foods) and kids get overwhelmed and confused. Mayo Clinic is a great place to start for a simple explanation: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/acne/DS00169
2) Keep reminding your son that his acne will most likely clear up. Often times teens feel this will be a problem for life and they can't foresee it ever going away. In most cases acne is hormonal, so it will most likely dissipate on its own.
3) Tell your son he's not alone. Eighty percent of teens get acne.
4) Encourage your son to join an online acne support group.
Here are some resources that he can check out:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Acne/support-group
http://teenage-acne.net/forum
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acnetips/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/acne_support/
All the best,
Kelli
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