Ask Kelli: Munipulative Friend, Co-worker clothes, Compliments

Dear Kelli,
I have a dear friend who did something horrible: She wanted a baby and essentially tricked the guy she was dating by saying she was on the pill when she wasn't. She's now six months pregnant and ecstatic. the problem is that I've lost respect for her. While I understand her longing for a child, I don't believe in how she went about it. Worse yet, the man she is dating told her upfront when they first started dating that he never wanted kids! Do I say something? Do I just not be friends with her?

Signed,
To Be a Friend or Not Be a Friend?


Dear To Be a Friend or Not Be a Friend,
Before you make any judgments I'd make absolutely sure you know exactly what happened. I just wouldn't want you to make your decision based on false information.

Assuming the information is absolutely correct, you have to ask yourself if you want to be friends with someone who is capable of tricking a man she is dating into having a baby. I completely understand why you'd lose respect for someone like that. A person who'd do something like that is manipulative, selfish, and has shown a horrible disrespect for another person's wishes. Personally, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. Her actions would frighten me.

Still, I think you're past the point of saying something helpful about the situation. She's already six months pregnant, and you've seen what she is capable of. I would slowly exit the relationship. If she asks why, it's okay to be honest with her. Perhaps her wanting a baby overshadowed everything else, and you can mention that. The problem I have is with the man she is dating. It's not fair that this man is now a father because your friend wanted a baby. So you can point out how it's one thing to choose to change one's own life, but quite another to force her partner to change his life drastically as well. It should have been a decision they came to together, not something forced on him by her deceit. You can tell her that her actions have caused you to question her integrity and that has damaged your friendship.

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
How do you tell a co-worker that what she is wearing is completely unflattering and downright unattractive?

Signed,
Want to Help


Dear Want to Help,
Urgh, I feel for you. You have good intentions and you just want to help this poor person look nice. But with co-workers, I believe it's more complicated than it is with a friend or family. You have a job in common and you don't want to say things that would jeopardize your working relationship, and/or your job for that matter. So I would just keep your mouth (and eyes) closed. I just don't think it's worth it. You never know how this person will react.

Now if this person asks you for your opinion, well, that's a different story. I wouldn't say something negative about what the co-worker is currently wearing but maybe point out what would look nice. For example, you can say something delicate like, "You know you have a great neckline (arms, etc.) and I think this particular style would be very flattering on you."

All the best,
Kelli

Dear Kelli,
What is the best compliment you can give to someone?
Signed,
Want to Be Nice


Dear Want to Be Nice,
The best compliment, in my opinion, is one that is the most genuine. So if you really admire someone's intelligence, that would work. Or someone's artistic ability -- talk about that. Whatever you focus on, you should speak from the heart and let the person know how you feel. Although any compliment is great, one that is really personal feels the warmest to me!

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: Myrtle Beach, Dating While Separated, & Irresponsible Co-workers

Dear Kelli,
I'm thinking of taking a trip to Myrtle Beach with my family in the spring. Is this a good place to take kids? Thoughts?

Signed,
Sun and Sand Lover


Dear Sun and Sand Lover,
I've heard wonderful things about Myrtle Beach for family vacations. But don't just take my word for it. See what real moms and dads have to say here:

http://www.familyvacationcritic.com/myrtle-beach/dh/

Additionally, here are some other great travel websites where you can find out more:

1) http://www.familytravelfiles.com
2) http://www.tripadvisor.com
3) http://www.wejustgotback.com

And finally don't forget to check out Myrtle Beach own websites:

4) www.myrtlebeach.com/
5) www.cityofmyrtlebeach.com/visitors.html
6) www.visitmyrtlebeach.com/

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
What do you say about dating before you are officially divorced? I'm now separated but want to start dating again. I won't be technically divorced until next May so is it wrong for me to put myself out there now?

Signed,
Women Needing Some Comfort


Dear Women Needing Some Comfort,
I think it's absolutely fine to date while separated but only if you are upfront about your circumstance. If you meet someone you like, you owe it to that person to let them know about your situation. Being upfront starts off the relationship with clean and honest communication. The best way to start a relationship in my opinion! There are no secrets and you won't ever have to dance around the issue, or fear you'll be "found out." You've done your part and now it's up to the person you are dating whether or not they are comfortable with your separated status.

If you are considering online dating, just be sure to note it in your profile as well.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I can't stand irresponsible people! There have been several times where I've emailed a specific co-worker (regarding a project) and gotten a response five days later. What can I do? I'm at my wits end!

Signed,
Frustrated with Irresponsibility


Dear Frustrated with Irresponsibility,
One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to accept that everyone works on a different timeline. Now it may not be the timeline you use (or want the other person to use) but it's the reality. And I know it stinks. I'm with you on this one. Especially when you're the efficient and punctual one and your co-worker, well, isn't.

So here are my suggestions:

1) When you are collaborating on a project, ask your co-worker the best way to communicate with her or him. I've learned some people love email, others hate it and do better with the phone or text. Find out.
2) Ask specific questions about when the best time to communicate is. "Do you want to be contacted as soon as I complete my end of the project or would you rather I give you a 10 minutes heads up?" This way your co-worker knows you will be contacting them and will be expecting it.
3) Make the co-worker accountable for his or her actions. So when you sit down to discuss the project, say something like, "Okay, great. So I'll draft up X on Thursday, do you think you can add Y and Z on Friday? This way, once Cindy gets Y and Z on Friday she can have the weekend to perfect it and turn it on Monday."
4) If you have to resort to email, cc your boss on it.
5) Finally, be kind. Nothing good comes out of snotty comments to co-workers even if you have reason to be annoyed.

All the best,
Kelli