Ask Kelli: Neat Freak, Mean Neighbors, & Scale to Dinner?

Dear Kelli,
I feel like I want my house to be perfect. I'm noticing I'm starting to really panic if things are out of place, if I haven't swept the floor, the dishes aren't put away, etc. I'm even waking up in the middle of the night to clean. Can you help?

Signed,
Neat Freak

Dear Neat Freak,
My gut is telling me this isn't about having everything clean. On the surface it might seem that way ("I can't stand the house dirty") but obsessive cleaning is really an underlying anxiety issue. In other words, the cleaning is a way to distract yourself from the uncomfortable feelings you are having. So I'd have to know more information to help you further.

What else is going on in your life? Can you pinpoint what is making you stressed out? Are you lonely? Somewhere your needs are not getting met and this is where you really need to be honest with yourself to get to the root of the issue. I'd highly recommend working with a counselor to help you further. Perhaps you can get a recommendation from a friend or on the listserv? If not, you can check out: http://www.helppro.com .

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My neighbors are not nice at all but for some reason I'm determined to be friendly with them. I've tried baking cookies, calling, etc. but they're not seeming to budge. What else can you recommend?

Signed,
Friendly Neighbor

Dear Friendly Neighbor,
My rule of thumb is: If you've attempted more than twice, you've done your part. In other words, now the onus is on them. And it sounds like they aren't interested in a friendship, for whatever reason. I'm sorry about that. I know it can be frustrating and hurtful.

Here's the thing: I think it's admirable you want to be friends with your neighbors, but at the same time I have to ask why you would want to be friends with people who aren't very nice? I wonder if this is more about fixing your bruised ego than it is really about pursuing a genuine friendship.

I wouldn't waste any more energy on people who don't want to be friends. I'd put new energy towards people who actually wanted to be my friends. So maybe it would feel good to write a card to an old friend or take them to dinner? And if you are looking for new friends, perhaps you can search by interest on meetup.com.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm on a weight loss program that requires me to weigh and measure my food. Do you think it's tacky to bring my scale out to dinner?

Signed,
Hoping to be Skinny

Dear Hoping to be Skinny,
I think it's great you are motivated to lose weight. I absolutely don't think it's tacky at all to take care of yourself in whatever way you need. I've seen people bust out their Points calculator (from Weight Watchers), order items from the waiter without sauce or butter, and even ask the chef personally for the nutritional information of an item. If it's what you need to do, it's what you need to do!

My only caution: Be prepared for a few looks or comments. You can always answer simply, "I'm on a weight loss program," or feel free to say nothing at all.(And don't be surprised if you find people wanting to borrow the scale from
you!)

All the best,
Kelli