Ask Kelli: Overactive Bladder, Ugly Wedding Gift, & Ready to Make Amends

Dear Kelli,
I have an overactive bladder and constantly have to excuse myself from dinner events, work, etc. Do I explain to people my problem? I just don’t want them to assume I don’t want to be there.
Signed,
Peed Off

Dear Peed Off,
I’m sorry about your situation. I can imagine that would be very embarrassing as well as frustrating. I think explaining your condition depends on your situation. For example with work, I’d definitely recommend saying something. The reason being, you don’t want your supervisor thinking you are goofing off, doing your makeup in the bathroom, etc. It also will ease your anxiety that he/she isn’t wondering where you are all the time. Now remember you don’t have to go into too many details. Just something along the lines of “Dan, this is embarrassing but I wanted to let you know I have an overactive bladder. I thought it was important to tell you in case I may need to use the bathroom frequently.” In a dinner setting or another finite time setting you may get away with not saying anything (unless you want to, of course). People are so busy at parties or dinners, they probably won’t notice.

All the best,
Kelli

Dear Kelli,
A good friend of mine bought me the ugliest vase in the world for my wedding. I didn’t even register for it! Am I required to display it?
Signed,
No Flowers Here

Dear No Flowers Here,
Just because someone got you a gift doesn’t mean you are required to like it, nor display it. So no, I don’t feel it’s necessary. In fact (and some may disagree with me here) but if you know where she purchased it, I’d actually return it for something you do like. Why should you keep a vase just shoved away in the garage? If it’s your good friend, she’d want you to be happy and hopefully be okay with you exchanging it. And the fact you didn’t register for it makes it even more okay to return it in my opinion.

Now circumstances would be different if she made the vase or it some special meaning attached to it (this was my great-grandma’s, etc.), but since she purchased it, I believe its fine to exchange it for something you like better.

All the best,
Kelli

Dear Kelli,
My father and I have had a tumultuous relationship for a long time. I think I’m ready to reconnect. What do you suggest is the best way?
Signed,
Ready to Make Amends

Dear Ready to Make Amends,
Good for you! You realize life is short and it’s best to reconnect now, rather than later. I’m a bit old-fashioned so I’d suggest a hand written note. You might want to include an apology (or an apology in general for the way things have been), a few sentiments, and an offer to reconnect in person. For example something like, “Dear Dad, I’ve wanted to reach out to you for awhile. I’m sorry things have been so uneasy for us but I’m ready to have a better relationship now. You’ve always been important in my life, even if we didn’t speak for all those years. If you’d like, I’d love to meet for lunch so we can talk.”
Amends are special no matter how you do it, so if you aren’t comfortable with a note, phone or in person is great too.

All the best,
Kelli