Dear Kelli,
Although I appear to be the all American super happy girl next door, I keep on screaming from within. For the past 3 years I've been suffering from reoccurring panic attacks and depression episodes. I keep a super healthy lifestyle, diet, exercising, even gave up on smoking, but I can't get better. Every time I seem to overcome, it comes to hunt me back with no reason (I'm a really happy and positive person). I don't want to spend my life in pain. Can you recommend a more natural remedy to help me get my life back? I take my meds and started to see a therapist but I've heard that acupuncture and some other more natural remedies can help. The media seem to be flooded with info and it is hard to know what's really worth a try.
Signed,
Butterfly in a Cage
Dear Butterfly in a Cage,
Thank you for writing. For liability purposes I have to tell you I'm not an herbalist, doctor, or a nutritionist, but I can give you my personal opinion. Of course you want to check with your MD before you try any of my recommendations below.
I found the best combination for anxiety or depression is cognitive behavioral therapy and medication and/or herbs. So your first step would be to seek a therapist. You can help anxiety in the short-term with herbs, but you want to get to the root of the issue and discover why you are anxious in the first place. We want to remedy the situation, not just the symptoms!
In the meantime, however, I personally found a few herbs that help take the edge
off.
For anxiety:
L-theanine (it's an amino acid found in tea leaves). You can find it at a
natural foods store. The nice thing about this is that it starts working in 20
minutes. Use as directed but I'd tried 200 mg in capsules form.
Valerian in tincture or capsules. Use as directed but I've tried about 40 drops
of tincture up to five times a day or 300-400 mg capsules twice a day. *Please
note although valerian has few side effects, taking the dried herb for more than
3 months may cause headaches and restlessness. Avoid the herb entirely if you
have a liver condition or you are taking any drug that depresses the central
nervous system (including alcohol).
Lemon balm is very calming and makes a nice tea.
A few other suggestions:
1) Avoid caffeine entirely
2) Keep a food diary to see if you can detect any correlation between your
attacks and specific foods you eat. Food allergies can sometimes invoke panic
attacks.
3) Try to meditate, do yoga, and/or something relaxing daily.
4) Learning breathing techniques. The mind follows the breath, so if you can
slow your breathing, you can slow your thinking.
For depression:
St. John's Wort (read bottle for specifications). *Please note: St. John's Wart
may interact with certain drugs
5-HTP (read bottle for specifications).
SAMe (read bottle for specifications). *Please note: do not use if you have
manic-depressive disorder or take certain antidepressants.
And yet a few more suggestions:
1) Increase your Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs). Examples include fish, flaxseed, primrose oil, etc.
2) Continue to exercise. It increases endorphin production.
3) Get as much natural light as possible and when it's winter consider purchasing a light box.
4) Be careful with artificial sweeteners (some say they block formation of serotonin).
5) Listen to music.
6) If you are an animal lover, surround yourself with pets.
Again, please talk to an MD before trying any of the above.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm a minimalist and a naturalist. My mom is more, let's just say, the Joan Rivers type. She always gets on me for not wearing makeup. She says things like, "You'd look so much prettier if you wore eyeliner or a little lipstick." How do I get her off my case?
Signed,
Bare and Proud
Dear Bare and Proud,
It sounds like you are proud of who you are and for that I applaud you. Often times are parents can be our harshest critics and their feelings/impressions can sometimes overtake our own. So the fact that you are okay with how you look is phenomenal. It sounds like you have a healthy self-esteem.
I would have a sit-down with your mom. Give her an example of something you like to do but she doesn't (i.e. camping, yoga, etc.). You can start with "Mom, it's no secret we both have different interests. For example, I love yoga but I know you hate it." Then let her know you are okay with that. "And I respect that. You like shopping and I'm not that into it. But I would hope that I never made you feel bad about not liking yoga. You are who you are and I know I can't force you to like something you don't." Then I would bring in the current situation. "But Mom, it's the same thing with makeup. I know you like it, but I don't. And I wish you'd respect that about me." Then make it personal. "And it actually hurts my feelings when you mention that I should be wearing it. It makes me feel like you aren't okay with me without makeup. Would you please respect my feelings about not wearing it? I'm not planning to wear it but I
promise you if I do, you'll be the first to help me pick out the right colors."
But it may not be about your mom being shallow. You can check in with her to see if this is really about looking pretty or if it's actually about bonding. Your mom may want you to wear makeup because that is such a strong part of her identity and she wants to share that with you. If that's the case, you can suggest other bonding activities you both like to do.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
How can I get my wife to understand I just need some alone time once in a while? She gets hurt if I want to spend time watching TV downstairs or want to go fishing.
Signed,
Husband on a Short Leash
Dear Husband on a Short Leash,
What you're feeling is not uncommon. Both for wanting to spend time alone and for feeling bad that your wife is hurt. But taking time for yourself is not only healthy but necessary for your own well-being and your relationship. The first step to talking to your wife: Remind her of all that. Couples need time apart to reconnect. Absence makes the heart grow founder, remember? Second, remind her it's not personal. We women are sensitive creatures, so make sure to tell her it's not that you don't want to be with her. You love her, you love being with her, but you also need your cave-man macho man time alone. It makes you feel like a man (I know, I know. But you need to speak her language). Don't forget to tell her that time alone allows you to get excited to see her again. Finally, when you do set up a time alone, plan an activity with your
wife immediately when you return. This way she won't feel as neglected and will have something to look forward to.
All the best,
Kelli
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