Ask Kelli: Counseling Advice, Getting Frustrated Easily, & Misprounced Name

Dear Kelli,
I am a 39 year old female, MA graduate of a foreign university. I am planning to apply to Trinity University in DC to their MA Counseling program. Kindly advise when looking into programs in counseling with any university -- what do I really need to keep in mind? Also, for future job opportunities and financial success/stability in the field of counseling, does it matter which school I will graduate from? And on a different note, in your opinion, what is the key to success of a good counselor?

Many thanks for your time and response! Very grateful for your column.

Signed,
Counselor-to-Be


Dear Counselor-to-Be,
Congratulations on your decision to become a counselor. It's a wonderful career choice and I think it's great you are being proactive in learning all you can before you enroll.

I actually have my Masters in Social Work (MSW), not a Masters (MA) in counseling or psychology. So I can't speak too much from experience on the MA programs, but I'll give the scoop on MSW programs. With that being said, I'd definitely recommend you also speak with someone who has their MA so you can get a more balanced perspective.

First I'll tell you why I chose an MSW over other types of counseling degrees aside from PhDs. I felt the MSW was a very versatile degree. For me specifically, I felt it left more options open. I also liked that it was a degree well known to the public and that I was able to get credentialed/licensed in all states with it. Finally, I knew insurance companies would reimburse for my services (definitely something to consider!)

Degrees in the counseling field can be flexible as far as jobs go, but they can also get very specific. So my first question to you: Do you have an idea of what you want to do when you graduate from the masters program? Although you may change your mind after you finish your program, it's also good to think about this before you even begin. For example, if you know you want to be a school guidance counselor for a public school in Maryland, the job requires specifically a Masters in Counseling (MAC) and won't accept any other type of counseling degree. If you do have an idea of what you want to do, perhaps you can get verification on what specific degree the job requires. It never hurts to get more information. I would hate to see someone spend all this time and energy on a counseling program only to learn that the job they wish to pursue requires a different degree!

So again, I'm sorry I don't know more about MA programs but I can tell you about MSW schools. Generally the MSW programs are broken down in two categories: clinical (also called direct practice) or macro practice. Clinical focuses on direct practice with clients while macro focuses more on community or public policy. That isn't to say you can't do public policy if you graduate from a clinical program or vice versa. It's just what the school focuses on.

As far as job opportunities after you graduate, my guess is that the school itself isn't necessarily going to matter too much. That isn't to say I wouldn't recommend going to the best school you can get into. But I think getting a job will really boil down to your experience and what you can bring to the job. If you do go the social work route, the most important thing is to pick a school approved by the Council on Social Work Education (CSWE).

Finally, in my opinion, a successful counselor is one who can emphasize with a situation (not just sympathize), utilize different models of therapy (cognitive behavioral, systems theory, etc.), operate at a pace comfortable with the client, has a balance of self-disclosure, and is a good listener. I also think it helps if the therapist is well-rounded, nonjudgmental, and models appropriate boundary control.

Please let me know if you have any other questions.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
Since the tornado hit this weekend and our power went out, I found something out about myself. I get extremely frustrated and angry when things don't go the way I planned. I was so annoyed we didn't have air conditioning or electricity I almost hit the roof! Any suggestions?

Signed,
Not Going Amish Anytime Soon


Dear Not Going Amish Anything Soon,
My meditation teacher once told me the best way to get through life is to have no expectations. His theory was that people get upset because their expectations haven't been met. Even just having the insight to realize "Oh, this is different than what I was expecting" helps to see that although we may plan all we want, our life isn't really our own. There's a great expression: "We plan and God laughs."

I also like to see what I can learn from a situation I didn't want or plan to happen. So for example this weekend I learned that I take "little" things like electricity for granted. It was a nice reminder that boy do I have it good! It was also a nice global reminder that not everyone has the amenities we have. Sometimes suffering is good. It puts us in perspective!

Finally, I like the rationale that everything happens for a reason. It helps me when I'm in traffic or have missed an appointment. It also allows me to let go of "what should have been."

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My name is Meleah (pronounced Ma-lee-ah). I recently started a new job about three months ago and since my start date, my co-worker keeps calling me Miliah (Millie-ah). I know I should have corrected him from the start but I didn't want to embarrass him. How do I tell him he's calling me the wrong name? Is it too late?

Signed,
Meleah


Dear Meleah,
It's absolutely not too late! It's been three months, not three years! Could you imagine if you let this slide for another three months, then another, and yet another? So better now than even later!

I understand this is a delicate situation so I'd approach it two ways:

1) Make it very light-hearted and about you. You can say something like, "Hey Bob. I know I have a unique name. And it's often really hard for people to pronounce. But I wanted to let you know it's pronounced Ma-lee-ah. A good way to remember is it's like Leah with Ma upfront. Please don't sweat it. People do it all the time!"

2) If that is too hard, I'd approach a co-worker who does pronounce your name correctly and ask his/her opinion. Hopefully that person will say, "Oh, no problem I will tell 'Bob' he's mispronouncing your name." If not, I would ask that co-worker if they wouldn't mind hinting gently to Bob on your behalf. And they don't even have to outright tell him. They could just say your name correctly a few times. For example, "Hey, have you seen Meleah's spreadsheet? I was really impressed. Meleah sure does not how to work that Powerpoint."

All the best,
Kelli