Ask Kelli: Parking Spots, How to Say "I"m Not Interested,", & Exercising My Dog

Dear Kelli,
The listserve has been buzzing with the pros and cons of people using chairs, etc, to save their shoveled out parking place. Where do you come down on this issue?

Signed,
Looking for the End of the Road


Dear Looking for the End of the Road,
Gosh, wouldn't it just be easier if we all lived in Miami??! (But then we'd be fighting over sun tanning spots so it's probably just the same…).

Okay, so here's my take. A public parking spot is just that -- a public parking spot. That means, unfortunately, that unless it's assigned to you, you can't "reserve" it (i.e. putting obstacles in its place). Yes, you worked hard to shovel it. I get it. I too had to break out the ear muffs, ski coat, boots, shovel, etc. (and not to mention my hard earned sweat and tears). For hours. And although it certainly felt like my spot (especially after all that!) I know it's not. If I leave it, I chance the risk it will be snagged.

If it helps at all, if someone does take "your" spot and you get angry, think of it as doing service for that person. You helped that person find a spot for the day and you made their life easier. Good for you. Chalk it up as your good deed for the day.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I get asked out by a lot of men in whom I have absolutely no interest. I have a hard time saying no. My friends say I'm too nice. How do I say I'm not interested?

Signed,
The "Nice" Girl


Dear The "Nice" Girl,
My basic rule of thumb is unless the guy is a criminal, an illegal alien, or married, a woman should give the guy at least one date. Because you just never know. After that, I think it's fair for the woman to say she's not interested.

So my advice to you is to give these guys you "think" you're definitely not interested in one date. Just one to start. If after that, if you're still not feeling it, and they ask you for another, you simply say, "Thanks so much for the invite but unfortunately I just don't feel the chemistry." This way you aren't pinning the blame on them ("You're too cheap, unattractive, heavy," etc.) but simply saying the two of you don't mesh. No one can really argue with that. Because everyone knows you can't force chemistry -- plain and simple.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My dog has gained a few pounds since winter started. I know it's because we haven't been able to exercise him. Any thoughts? It's just too darn cold to go for a long walk.

Signed,
Couch Potato Owner


Dear Couch Potato Owner,
I understand your dilemma all too well. My dog has also gained the "Winter 5" as I call it. And I'm sure my leftovers hasn't helped him either.

The best things I can think of are:
1) Indoor doggy dare care. Let the dog run around with its peers for a few hours. There are tons around the DC area.
2) Indoor dog parks. Unfortunately there aren't many. You may be able to find out about places to go by joining this Bethesda-based dog group:
http://www.meetup.com/mocodogs/ . Also, there's a big indoor dog park in
Frederick, MD, if that's not too far a drive:
http://www.frederickdoggiedaycare.com/Dog-Park-Frederick.html
3) Run your dog in your home (we use a tennis ball). Even just short sprints is better than nothing!

All the best,
Kelli


And now here are two follow-up comments on advice in last week's column, the first in response to the question from “Daydreamer,” who was procrastinating at work and having trouble staying focused on the tasks at hand:

"Daydreamer" may well have undiagnosed ADHD. She probably can't focus because her brain is biologically incapable of doing so…. For what it's worth, the daydreamer is a typical profile of women (or girls) with ADHD, and they tend to be significantly underdiagnosed as a population. While boys with ADHD tend to get better as they mature and mellow, women tend to get worse as they enter their 40s and become peri-menopausal. Thus, “Daydreamer” is probably a woman who may have managed her situation well-enough until now, but is now finding her problem is causing her more trouble. "Daydreamer" needs more help then the usual anti-procrastination techniques that work for individuals with "normal" functioning brains. Here are three web sites that offer up to date information and referral resources: http://www.ncgiadd.org/ The National Center for Gender Issues and ADHD, as well as http://www.addvance.com and http://www.chadd.org/ .

--From Concerned Reader


And some advice for “Ivy League Mom” whose son is struggling in two classes in school:

The first thing that “Ivy League Mom” should do is set up conferences with her son’s teachers. She needs their perspective on what her son isn’t doing that he should be doing, and what he needs to do to turn the situation around. Is he behind because he isn’t trying (not turning in his homework, not studying for the tests, not asking for help to learn whatever he’s having trouble understanding)? Or is he doing all the required work and asking for help with difficult problems, but still not getting it right? If it’s the first scenario,then by all means, follow the advice in the column to find out what’s bugging him and keeping him from getting his work done right in these subjects. But if it’s the second scenario (and that seems indicated by the fact that he’s struggling in just two subjects, not struggling with everything), then it sounds to this parent as if he could benefit from a patient and experienced tutor in those two subjects.

--From Parent of High Schoolers