Ask Kelli: No Motivation at Work, New to DC, & Teen Failing Classes

Dear Kelli,
I work at a job that requires me to keep track of all of my time so that it can be billed to clients. I have a terrible time staying focused at work throughout the day for five days a week. This keeps me from working as diligently as I am required, but also from keeping track of the work I actually do. I like most aspects of my job and the people I work with. I, however, cannot stay focused on a long-term continued basis. As you might imagine, this has negative consequences for me that are becoming more and more serious. It makes me anxious when I am not at work as I think about things building up. It seems like the solution would be simple - just sit down and do the work. Unfortunately, for some reason, I cannot do this, at least not for any extended period of time.

Signed,
Daydreamer


Dear Daydreamer,
One of my favorite quotes of all time is: "I was going to buy a CD on procrastination but I just didn't get around to it."

Procrastination and not being able to motivate yourself at work are not all that
surprising. I mean if you think about it, a job is almost like breakfast. You'd get sick of plain oatmeal if you had to eat it every single day, right? It's already hard enough to get up in the morning as is, but if you knew you were going to have to consume that same bowl of mush, it would be hard for anyone to be motivated. So we have to spice up your "breakfast." Here are a few of my favorite suggestions:

1) Change your scenery. Make your desk a place you are excited to visit every day. Buy a few plants, bring in some of your favorite photos and quotes, and decorate your walls with bright, loud colors.

2) Blast those tunes. Music can go a long way to making the day a little bit brighter and livelier. Studies have shown that people who work out with music are more efficient than those without headphones. I'm thinking the same could apply for you at work for you. Bring an iPod or listen to music off the internet.

3) Exercise. And before work if possible. It will give you energy and keep you more refreshed during the day. If you can't go in the morning, take a walk during the day.

4) Construct two lists. The first one is what you get out of being slow and unproductive at work. The second one what you get out of being efficient and hard working. Keep the second list in your drawer as a reminder and when you need a little pick-me-up.

5) Eat lunch. And if you can, eat it somewhere else besides your desk or the work cafeteria.

6) Be accountable. Email your boss, colleague, or a friend and tell them your work plan or goals for the day. You'll be more motivated to complete your tasks knowing others are aware of what you are doing.

7) Challenge yourself. Boredom at work usually signifies a lack of challenge. Try to take on extra or different projects at work. Ironic I know considering you feel you can't even do your "normal" work but this may just be the ticket to get you moving. (Plus in my opinion it never hurts to show more initiative.)

8) Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in the "Oh gosh. I may be here for 10 more years." Just concentrate on today. That's all you have to worry about.

9) Use a reward system. Tell yourself that if you complete two tasks you can either take a five minute walk around the office or grab a cup of water (or an incentive of your choosing). Even small rewards can make a big difference.

10) Get outside motivation. For example, I love the Ralph Marston site http://greatday.com/motivate/


All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I just moved to this area and don't feel "home" yet. How long does it typically take for a person to adjust to a new city?

Signed,
Nomad


Dear Nomad,
They say moving is the biggest stress aside from a death in the family. So it is completely and 100 percent normal to feel uncomfortable and unadjusted to a new city. Unfortunately there is no "typical" time frame. For every person it is different. I can tell you, however, that the more social you are, the better chances you have of feeling more at home. Congratulations, though, on making the first step by joining the Cleveland Park listserv. (Not that I'm biased or anything, but I think we are a pretty friendly community). You can also check out www.meetups.com for groups you are interested in making new friends. Finally, try to attend all social functions you are invited to and share with people the fact you are new to the city. People usually understand what it's like being new in a city and want to show you the ropes. Let them.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My 14-year-old son is very smart but lately he's been really unmotivated to do anything in school. In fact, his progress report showed he's actually failing two classes. Should I say something? I don't want to steer him any more into failing.

Signed,
Ivy League Mom


Dear Ivy League Mom,
The fact that there has been an abrupt change in your son's behavior signals something is definitely wrong. So yes, I absolutely would say something to him to uncover what exactly is wrong. But first let me ask you: have there been any
hanges at home? A separation or divorce can often fuel this type of behavior.
Did you or your partner accept a new job and the hours have changed? Think about if anything has been different at home. If there are no changes at home, have you noticed any changes in your son's social behavior? Is he still hanging out with the same group of friends? Finally, is there any evidence of drug use? (If so, I really like the website: www.theantidrug.com on how to educate yourself and your son about the issue).

In any event, I would sit down and ask your son if everything is okay. Remind him that you are always someone he can talk to and be honest with. And although you are "old" now, you were once a teenager too and understand the difficulties and complexities of being an adolescent. If he refuses to open up, it may be wise to see a family counselor.

All the best,
Kelli