Ask Kelli: Bachelor Party Ideas, Shower Gift, & Saying No to Events

Dear Kelli,
My brother is getting married and I want to do a bachelor's party for him that is polite, respectable and involves neither stripping nor booze. Any ideas?

Also, he's having a beach wedding, what outfit do you recommend for these type of things?

Signed,
Brother of the Bridegroom


Dear Brother of the Bridegroom,
Gosh, your brother's wife must be happy! Sounds like a good guy. Sure, I've thought of a few things:

1) Attend a sporting event
2) Go camping
3) Organize a poker night
4) Perform a ropes course
5) Go boating
6) Play golf
7) Go go-karting
8) Challenge each other in whirly ball
9) Play paint ball
10) Attend a murder mystery dinner

As far as the outfit, check what the invitation says. (Although doubtful for a beach wedding) if it says "Black Tie" you need to wear a tux. If it says "Black Tie Optional" or "Formal" you can wear a tux but a suit is fine. If it says "Business Casual" you can wear something like khakis and a button-down. If it says "Casual" you can basically wear whatever you feel comfortable in (jeans,t-shirt, etc.) If the invitation says nothing, I'd go with khakis and a button down. It's better to be a little overdressed than underdressed, in my opinion. And of course you can always ask your brother what to do!

Best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I've having some money issues and in a bind. My good friend's baby shower is approaching. Is it tacky to make her a painting for the child's room in lieu of a gift?

Signed,
Want to Be Sure


Dear Want to Be Sure,
I think not only is this absolutely not tacky but it's actually quite lovely. It's a gift from your heart! It shows creativity and thoughtfulness. I'd be honored if someone did that for my baby shower.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I feel like I'm asked to go to all these events I really don't want to attend. What is the best way to tell people I can't make it? I don't want to lie but I don't want to be rude either.

Signed,
Don't Want to Go


Dear Don't Want to Go,
It's simple and truthful: "I'm so sorry I can't make it." That's it. People who have a hard time saying no (often called "people pleasers") always assume you have to give your life story why you can't make events. ("Well, I have to first clean my room and then my cousin Suzy is coming into town and we have to make a fruit salad, then walk our poodle Betty, yada, yada.") Most likely people won't even press you for a why. If they do, however, you can say, "My life is just too hectic right now. But thank you for the invite."

Good luck,
Kelli