Ask Kelli: Stay-at-home Wife, Bragging Cousin, & Noncommiting Boyfriend

Dear Kelli,
I'm a stay-at-home wife. I'm not a stay-at-home mom (we actually don't have kids), I'm "just" a wife. I take care of the housework, dinner for my husband, pack him lunches, etc. It works well for us. When I tell people I don't work and "just" stay at home, they don't understand. I constantly get questions, odd or rude comments, or strange looks. How do I handle this?

Signed,
Just a Housewife


Dear Just a Housewife,
I believe the first step is YOU feeling secure with your role. You say it works well for you and your husband, so start believing it. Then start acting like it. If you come off as insecure when you tell people your role, they are more likely to give you looks or be more inclined to make comments. But if you stand proud and say, "I feel blessed/grateful/appreciative to take care of my husband and the house, and I really love doing it," it will be harder for people to make comments or give you looks. My best guess is that a lot of these people making comments are jealous. Perhaps they would like to be in your shoes and are asserting judgment because it's a way of making them feel better about their lives. So if you can, brush off their comments as envy. And if talking about your role still makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always focus on theirs.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm fairly close with my cousin Jessica. She's great except for one thing. She constantly brags about her new things: her new iPhone, her new computer, her new outfit, etc. It would be great but I don't share the same lifestyle she does.
I can't afford half the stuff she buys! Is there anything I can say to make her stop bragging? I really like her except for this quality.

Signed,
Bring and Not Brag


Dear Bring and Not Brag,
There are a couple of ways to handle this. The first is a little self-deprecating. You could say something like: "Jessica, wow. I love hearing about all your new things but I have to be honest. It's making me pretty jealous. I wish I could afford all that nice stuff too. Hearing about all your new things makes me feel like my life isn't as good. Since I'm feeling pretty down lately would you mind if we don't talk about material things? But I would love to talk about your new job, your new boyfriend, etc."

The second way I suggest is a little more abrupt. Each time Jessica starts bragging about her new item, cut her off. "Oh wow. Listen Jessica, that sounds great but I have to run an errand in a second. Let me call you later." If you do this enough times, she'll hopefully get the hint.

Finally, you could change the subject on her. "You know, Jessica, that new iPad sounds really cool but what I really want to hear about is your daughter's piano recital."

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 2 years. He's signing a new lease in a month and hasn't mentioned a thing about me moving in with him. When I did bring it up, once he said, "You know me, Anne. I'm not the committing type." What does that mean? How can we be exclusive, yet he doesn't want to take things further? What do you suggest?

Signed,
Moving on Up?


Dear Moving on Up,
What do I suggest? First of all, not dating a guy who fully admits he's "not the committing type." This guy is putting it out there plain and simple: He not only doesn't want to commit, but he doesn't want to commit any further with you. I'm sorry to be harsh but I want this to hit home with you. You want more from this relationship then this guy can give. This dude may be happy just being exclusive and not wanting to go any further, but be honest with yourself in the fact that you aren't. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! So don't waste any more time with a guy who doesn't want to live with you. A man who is really in love with you will want to live with you. And believe me, you'll find one that does! (My only piece of advice there is: Don't wait two years to find out he's not the committing type!)

Good luck,
Kelli