Dear Kelli,
I'll been married seven years this September. Recently my wife confronted me and asked if we could have an open marriage. I was completely dumbfounded and confused. I said I wasn't comfortable with it and now she feels I'm being inflexible and "too conventional." Am I wrong to want to keep my wife to myself?
Signed,
Too Committed?
Dear Too Committed?,
You are absolutely not wrong to keep your wife to yourself. Seven years ago you both made vows to be exclusive with one another (and no one else!). I don't believe it's fair for your wife to call you inflexible or even too conventional when you both agreed to the institution of marriage. Just because she changed her mind doesn't make it wrong of you to still feel the way you do.
I believe there is a way to honor your wife's feelings, however, without resorting to an open marriage. It's not uncommon for couples to get bored sexually, but it's often something that can be remedied with a little creativity. I would tell your wife that although you aren't open to the idea of an open marriage that you'd be more than willing to fulfill her fantasies by yourself. For example, if she feels the need to be with someone else, perhaps you can pretend to be "someone else." Often times couples will go to a club separately, pretend to not know one another, then meet for the "first" time. If your acting's on par, this can be just as exciting as actually meeting someone new! You may enjoy it as well.
The main key to all this is really figuring out why your wife feels the way she does, particularly now. It may just be that you haven't been as attentive and she's missing that intimacy. Or she's unfulfilled in another area of her life and projecting that frustration out on your sex life. Or, as I mentioned above, she may just be bored and need some excitement from you. You'll only know the answers if you have a deep discussion with her about it. If you do talk and feel like you aren't making headway, I'd highly recommend a sex therapist.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I feel like I need something more fulfilling in my life. My therapist suggested I get a hobby. This sounds stupid but I honestly can't think of one. Do you have any ideas?
Signed,
Hobby-less
Dear Hobby-less,
I'm going to give you my suggestions but first I want to teach you how to fish. Here are a few of my favorite ways to gauge what interests you:
1) Write down the magazines you like. Magazines are a great way to gauge what we are interested in. Are you reading mostly health magazines? Fashion? Popular Science? From there you can always choose classes or activities that are in line with what you like to read about.
2) Find local classes through your community. You can always take classes (degree or non-degree seeking) at your local college. Ask for their latest schedule and it might spark some ideas for things you want to try.
3) Think about where you are really talented. Are you exceptionally artistic? Musical? Maybe you want to hone the skills you are already good at and choose to excel in those even more.
4) Think about what challenges you. So take the opposite approach here. Improve what you need help in. Never good at math? Maybe it would be good to take a numbers course. Can't draw a straight line? It would be great to take a basics art class then.
5) Ask around to see what classes others have enjoyed. Do any of them sound interesting to you? Ignite any interest? I've also created a few ideas below of things to do or places to go in order for you to explore things you love. If any of these don't float your boat or tickle your pickle, think hard about what does. Look, we all have interests; we just have to find them!
And just in case here is a list of random activities:
Acting
Book Clubs
Boxing
Brewing Beer
Calligraphy
Computers
Cooking
Dancing
Exploring a New Religion
Gardening
Gym Classes
Hangliding
Hiking
Jewelry Making
Karaoke
Learning a Language
Magic
Martial Arts
Papier-mache craft
Psychology Class
Rescuing Abused/Abandoned Animals
Rock Climbing
Scrabble Tournaments
Scrapbooking
Sewing
Singing
Skiing (snow or water)
Studying Business
Swimming
Yoga
Dear Kelli,
My friend and I got into the discussion of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. I breastfed my child, she formula fed. I'm not judgmental of her decision but when she said to me "Formula is just as good as breast milk. I've read studies," I got annoyed because I know that's not true. Was it wrong of me to say "That's not true."? Now things are awkward.
Signed,
Getting the Milk for Free
Dear Getting the Milk for Free,
The way a mother feeds their infant can be a very touchy subject. (Actually the way a mother does anything to their kid can be a touchy subject). I believe the main reason for this is that most mothers are very vulnerable. Some are scared of being judged, some want to be Supermom, and some feel insecure with their decision, so they state facts or reasons ("I've read studies" or "But my pediatrician says...")
All or any of this could be the case with your friend. I don't know. What I do know is what you said to your friend wasn't out of line. It sounds like you weren't picking a fight with her, just disagreeing with her. That's perfectly okay. To me, true friendship consists of honesty (and sometimes a healthy dose of debate).
I'd reiterate this all to your friend. Tell her you love her -- 2 percent or
skim. It doesn't matter. You enjoy her company, her kids, and her friendship.
There's no need to get into a further discussion on the topic (or bring pamphlets stating your point). If she brings it up again, just say, "You know, I'd rather not get into it" and move on. You're entitled to feel the way you do, as does she. Even if you are right, she may not be willing to look at the truth at this point.
Just know this probably won't be the first of last time you get into another mothering discussion, with this friend or someone else. Again, that's okay. I think the key is not letting yourself feel worked up and out of control. A good practice is actually stating the other person's point of view, so they feel heard (and vice-versa). If you don't feel heard you can always say, "Stacy, I'm not sure you're understanding my point. What do you think I'm trying to say?" What helps me is to remind myself not everyone is going to agree with me no matter how hard I try!
All the best,
Kelli
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Ask Kelli: Boss Problems, Doormat, & Friend is Always Late
Dear Kelli,
I'm pretty sure my boss doesn't trust me a whole lot. As a result, she tends to micromanage me and I am very unsure of what she really wants to be involved in and at what level. In the past I have not had this trouble with other bosses. I am currently looking for another job since I've been in the office for more than 7 years in various positions and I'm ready to move on. In the meanwhile, I'd like to have a smoother relationship with my boss. I'm a Fed, so the process of finding a new job could take a while.
She and I have been working together for about three years. In the past she has gone through cycles where she gets stressed out and overwhelmed with everything she has to do because she is not a good delegater. The next part of the cycle is where she tells me that she cannot attend and/or lead meetings related to the projects I work on because she's not necessary to the project. Then she starts asking many questions about the projects at inappropriate places (the hallway, the ladies room, the cafeteria, etc.) and I am not able to answer her question intelligently without my notes and/or some preparation. Because of my lack of ability to update her at a moment's notice in the restroom, she then swoops in and sort of takes over whatever meeting is coming up next on that project to try and "rescue" it, or she assigns part of the project to an outside contractor, or she involves another office from our organization.
This hasn't happened in a year or so, but just today she's sent me a few emails about not attending meetings. How do I stop this cycle from happening again? I know I need to talk to her, but she and I don't have fabulous communication with each other, and I think I inadvertently offend her a lot or make her mad because I state my opinion, which is not always her opinion. Once she makes a choice I then support it. But somehow stating something contrary before she makes a final choice just makes her angry.
I know that if she trusted my judgment more this wouldn't happen, but besides doing a good job and checking in with her on a very regular basis, I don't know how else to build that trust. Just today, it wasn't until a coworker echoed my opinion and rationale for a choice for the look and feel of a new website (a project she has asked me to lead), that she made that choice. This was after we asked an editorial board of their opinion and the votes were tied. Things like this happen all of the time. It's like I'm not using the right words, and when coworkers use the same words they get a totally different result from the boss.
HELP.
Signed,
No More Swooping
Dear No More Swooping,
Yes, it's definitely time for a conversation with your boss. Yes, I know it's uncomfortable, awkward, and the last thing you want to do, aside from scrubbing
toilets in a prison cell, but it needs to happen. People tend to forget that bosses are people too. So she probably senses something is off as well. If you get nervous, remember asking her for this conversation is taking initiative, being assertive, and being goal-oriented (all great work-related qualities).
Start first, however, by covering your own tush. Write down all the great things you've done in the last six months. If your department does reviews, get your last one so you can see where you've improved (and can prove this). Then brainstorm a few ideas of how you think your relationship with your boss can be improved (example: your boss attending meetings, setting up specific times with your boss to talk rather than in the bathroom, etc.).
Then have the sit down. Here's the good news: I believe you get your point across without admitting the obvious (that you don't feel she trusts you/you have poor communication). You could something like, "I believe we can improve our work relationship even more. I had a few ideas but I'd love to get your feedback as well." Then if she asks for your ideas, be sure to be diplomatic and spin it in a way that makes you look positive. For example, instead of, "Boss, it really bothers me when you catch me off guard to talk about the projects," something more constructive would be: "Boss, it's great that you want to check in about the projects I'm working on but I'm thinking if we set up a specific time and place, I could be even better prepared. It helps me to have a specific time so I can get any questions I have for you ready." And as far as her attending the meetings, perhaps you could say something like: "And Boss I
know it's hard for you to attend meetings but do you think we could set up a few that work better in your schedule? I know it definitely helps me when you're there, and I'm thinking it might be good for the team as well."
Finally, this is a long shot but what about if you asked HR about a trust
building day/departmental outing? That could help your relationship as well.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm what you'd call a doormat. I'm afraid of confrontation so I never say what I really want. I let other people get their way just so I don't have to deal with the uncomfortableness of speaking out.
Thoughts?
Signed,
Doormat
Dear Doormat,
Nothing is going to change with other people, if you're behavior doesn't change. So it's time to stop being a doormat and start being a human being. A human being is someone who has a variety of wants and needs. And those wants and needs are going to differ for each person. This is normal and perfectly okay! Just because you feel differently from someone else doesn't make you mean, rude or less than someone else. If anything, it makes you interesting and unique! If you continue to go along with the crowd, not only are not being honest with your friends, but you are certainly aren't being honest with yourself.
There is a huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive. I'm wondering if you're confusing the two. Both are asserting your needs but being assertive is doing it in a nice, calm way, and there is nothing wrong with that. Think for a moment. Have you ever been truly upset if someone tells you what they need in a nice, calm way? If anything, you've probably been impressed with their ability to tell you what they want.
I would suggest role playing your assertiveness with a trusted friend or family member so you can start feeling a bit more comfortable. It might sound silly at first but it will help get your feet wet. I'd also write down your fears about telling people what you want and come up with a counter argument. For example, Fear: "I'm scared that if I tell people what I want, they won't like me." Counter argument: "Then they aren't my real friends anyway. Real friends like me for me--and they don't base friendship on whether or not I disagree with them." Finally, visualize a person you consider assertive. Think about what you like and respect about that person. Use that as your model next time you tell someone what you need.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli
My friend Jackie is always late when we have plans. It drives me CRAZY! What can I do?
Signed,
The Punctual One
Dear Punctual One,
Oprah tells the story of how she was always late with her trainer Bob Greene. One day Bob said something along the lines of: "My time is just as important as yours. When you're late, you're basically saying your time is more important than mine." This is absolutely the truth. So if you have enough guts, you could always say this same message to your friend. Tell her you love being with her but when she's late, she's not realizing it interferes with your schedule as well.
The second option is to take the opposite route and just surrender. In other words, just know that Jackie is just always going to be late. You can be proactive, though, and schedule things knowing she's always late. For example, if you want to eat lunch together at 12:30 pm, "tell" her to meet you at 12 pm.
All the best,
Kelli
I'm pretty sure my boss doesn't trust me a whole lot. As a result, she tends to micromanage me and I am very unsure of what she really wants to be involved in and at what level. In the past I have not had this trouble with other bosses. I am currently looking for another job since I've been in the office for more than 7 years in various positions and I'm ready to move on. In the meanwhile, I'd like to have a smoother relationship with my boss. I'm a Fed, so the process of finding a new job could take a while.
She and I have been working together for about three years. In the past she has gone through cycles where she gets stressed out and overwhelmed with everything she has to do because she is not a good delegater. The next part of the cycle is where she tells me that she cannot attend and/or lead meetings related to the projects I work on because she's not necessary to the project. Then she starts asking many questions about the projects at inappropriate places (the hallway, the ladies room, the cafeteria, etc.) and I am not able to answer her question intelligently without my notes and/or some preparation. Because of my lack of ability to update her at a moment's notice in the restroom, she then swoops in and sort of takes over whatever meeting is coming up next on that project to try and "rescue" it, or she assigns part of the project to an outside contractor, or she involves another office from our organization.
This hasn't happened in a year or so, but just today she's sent me a few emails about not attending meetings. How do I stop this cycle from happening again? I know I need to talk to her, but she and I don't have fabulous communication with each other, and I think I inadvertently offend her a lot or make her mad because I state my opinion, which is not always her opinion. Once she makes a choice I then support it. But somehow stating something contrary before she makes a final choice just makes her angry.
I know that if she trusted my judgment more this wouldn't happen, but besides doing a good job and checking in with her on a very regular basis, I don't know how else to build that trust. Just today, it wasn't until a coworker echoed my opinion and rationale for a choice for the look and feel of a new website (a project she has asked me to lead), that she made that choice. This was after we asked an editorial board of their opinion and the votes were tied. Things like this happen all of the time. It's like I'm not using the right words, and when coworkers use the same words they get a totally different result from the boss.
HELP.
Signed,
No More Swooping
Dear No More Swooping,
Yes, it's definitely time for a conversation with your boss. Yes, I know it's uncomfortable, awkward, and the last thing you want to do, aside from scrubbing
toilets in a prison cell, but it needs to happen. People tend to forget that bosses are people too. So she probably senses something is off as well. If you get nervous, remember asking her for this conversation is taking initiative, being assertive, and being goal-oriented (all great work-related qualities).
Start first, however, by covering your own tush. Write down all the great things you've done in the last six months. If your department does reviews, get your last one so you can see where you've improved (and can prove this). Then brainstorm a few ideas of how you think your relationship with your boss can be improved (example: your boss attending meetings, setting up specific times with your boss to talk rather than in the bathroom, etc.).
Then have the sit down. Here's the good news: I believe you get your point across without admitting the obvious (that you don't feel she trusts you/you have poor communication). You could something like, "I believe we can improve our work relationship even more. I had a few ideas but I'd love to get your feedback as well." Then if she asks for your ideas, be sure to be diplomatic and spin it in a way that makes you look positive. For example, instead of, "Boss, it really bothers me when you catch me off guard to talk about the projects," something more constructive would be: "Boss, it's great that you want to check in about the projects I'm working on but I'm thinking if we set up a specific time and place, I could be even better prepared. It helps me to have a specific time so I can get any questions I have for you ready." And as far as her attending the meetings, perhaps you could say something like: "And Boss I
know it's hard for you to attend meetings but do you think we could set up a few that work better in your schedule? I know it definitely helps me when you're there, and I'm thinking it might be good for the team as well."
Finally, this is a long shot but what about if you asked HR about a trust
building day/departmental outing? That could help your relationship as well.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm what you'd call a doormat. I'm afraid of confrontation so I never say what I really want. I let other people get their way just so I don't have to deal with the uncomfortableness of speaking out.
Thoughts?
Signed,
Doormat
Dear Doormat,
Nothing is going to change with other people, if you're behavior doesn't change. So it's time to stop being a doormat and start being a human being. A human being is someone who has a variety of wants and needs. And those wants and needs are going to differ for each person. This is normal and perfectly okay! Just because you feel differently from someone else doesn't make you mean, rude or less than someone else. If anything, it makes you interesting and unique! If you continue to go along with the crowd, not only are not being honest with your friends, but you are certainly aren't being honest with yourself.
There is a huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive. I'm wondering if you're confusing the two. Both are asserting your needs but being assertive is doing it in a nice, calm way, and there is nothing wrong with that. Think for a moment. Have you ever been truly upset if someone tells you what they need in a nice, calm way? If anything, you've probably been impressed with their ability to tell you what they want.
I would suggest role playing your assertiveness with a trusted friend or family member so you can start feeling a bit more comfortable. It might sound silly at first but it will help get your feet wet. I'd also write down your fears about telling people what you want and come up with a counter argument. For example, Fear: "I'm scared that if I tell people what I want, they won't like me." Counter argument: "Then they aren't my real friends anyway. Real friends like me for me--and they don't base friendship on whether or not I disagree with them." Finally, visualize a person you consider assertive. Think about what you like and respect about that person. Use that as your model next time you tell someone what you need.
Good luck,
Kelli
Dear Kelli
My friend Jackie is always late when we have plans. It drives me CRAZY! What can I do?
Signed,
The Punctual One
Dear Punctual One,
Oprah tells the story of how she was always late with her trainer Bob Greene. One day Bob said something along the lines of: "My time is just as important as yours. When you're late, you're basically saying your time is more important than mine." This is absolutely the truth. So if you have enough guts, you could always say this same message to your friend. Tell her you love being with her but when she's late, she's not realizing it interferes with your schedule as well.
The second option is to take the opposite route and just surrender. In other words, just know that Jackie is just always going to be late. You can be proactive, though, and schedule things knowing she's always late. For example, if you want to eat lunch together at 12:30 pm, "tell" her to meet you at 12 pm.
All the best,
Kelli
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Ask Kelli: Stay-at-home Wife, Bragging Cousin, & Noncommiting Boyfriend
Dear Kelli,
I'm a stay-at-home wife. I'm not a stay-at-home mom (we actually don't have kids), I'm "just" a wife. I take care of the housework, dinner for my husband, pack him lunches, etc. It works well for us. When I tell people I don't work and "just" stay at home, they don't understand. I constantly get questions, odd or rude comments, or strange looks. How do I handle this?
Signed,
Just a Housewife
Dear Just a Housewife,
I believe the first step is YOU feeling secure with your role. You say it works well for you and your husband, so start believing it. Then start acting like it. If you come off as insecure when you tell people your role, they are more likely to give you looks or be more inclined to make comments. But if you stand proud and say, "I feel blessed/grateful/appreciative to take care of my husband and the house, and I really love doing it," it will be harder for people to make comments or give you looks. My best guess is that a lot of these people making comments are jealous. Perhaps they would like to be in your shoes and are asserting judgment because it's a way of making them feel better about their lives. So if you can, brush off their comments as envy. And if talking about your role still makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always focus on theirs.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm fairly close with my cousin Jessica. She's great except for one thing. She constantly brags about her new things: her new iPhone, her new computer, her new outfit, etc. It would be great but I don't share the same lifestyle she does.
I can't afford half the stuff she buys! Is there anything I can say to make her stop bragging? I really like her except for this quality.
Signed,
Bring and Not Brag
Dear Bring and Not Brag,
There are a couple of ways to handle this. The first is a little self-deprecating. You could say something like: "Jessica, wow. I love hearing about all your new things but I have to be honest. It's making me pretty jealous. I wish I could afford all that nice stuff too. Hearing about all your new things makes me feel like my life isn't as good. Since I'm feeling pretty down lately would you mind if we don't talk about material things? But I would love to talk about your new job, your new boyfriend, etc."
The second way I suggest is a little more abrupt. Each time Jessica starts bragging about her new item, cut her off. "Oh wow. Listen Jessica, that sounds great but I have to run an errand in a second. Let me call you later." If you do this enough times, she'll hopefully get the hint.
Finally, you could change the subject on her. "You know, Jessica, that new iPad sounds really cool but what I really want to hear about is your daughter's piano recital."
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 2 years. He's signing a new lease in a month and hasn't mentioned a thing about me moving in with him. When I did bring it up, once he said, "You know me, Anne. I'm not the committing type." What does that mean? How can we be exclusive, yet he doesn't want to take things further? What do you suggest?
Signed,
Moving on Up?
Dear Moving on Up,
What do I suggest? First of all, not dating a guy who fully admits he's "not the committing type." This guy is putting it out there plain and simple: He not only doesn't want to commit, but he doesn't want to commit any further with you. I'm sorry to be harsh but I want this to hit home with you. You want more from this relationship then this guy can give. This dude may be happy just being exclusive and not wanting to go any further, but be honest with yourself in the fact that you aren't. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! So don't waste any more time with a guy who doesn't want to live with you. A man who is really in love with you will want to live with you. And believe me, you'll find one that does! (My only piece of advice there is: Don't wait two years to find out he's not the committing type!)
Good luck,
Kelli
I'm a stay-at-home wife. I'm not a stay-at-home mom (we actually don't have kids), I'm "just" a wife. I take care of the housework, dinner for my husband, pack him lunches, etc. It works well for us. When I tell people I don't work and "just" stay at home, they don't understand. I constantly get questions, odd or rude comments, or strange looks. How do I handle this?
Signed,
Just a Housewife
Dear Just a Housewife,
I believe the first step is YOU feeling secure with your role. You say it works well for you and your husband, so start believing it. Then start acting like it. If you come off as insecure when you tell people your role, they are more likely to give you looks or be more inclined to make comments. But if you stand proud and say, "I feel blessed/grateful/appreciative to take care of my husband and the house, and I really love doing it," it will be harder for people to make comments or give you looks. My best guess is that a lot of these people making comments are jealous. Perhaps they would like to be in your shoes and are asserting judgment because it's a way of making them feel better about their lives. So if you can, brush off their comments as envy. And if talking about your role still makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always focus on theirs.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm fairly close with my cousin Jessica. She's great except for one thing. She constantly brags about her new things: her new iPhone, her new computer, her new outfit, etc. It would be great but I don't share the same lifestyle she does.
I can't afford half the stuff she buys! Is there anything I can say to make her stop bragging? I really like her except for this quality.
Signed,
Bring and Not Brag
Dear Bring and Not Brag,
There are a couple of ways to handle this. The first is a little self-deprecating. You could say something like: "Jessica, wow. I love hearing about all your new things but I have to be honest. It's making me pretty jealous. I wish I could afford all that nice stuff too. Hearing about all your new things makes me feel like my life isn't as good. Since I'm feeling pretty down lately would you mind if we don't talk about material things? But I would love to talk about your new job, your new boyfriend, etc."
The second way I suggest is a little more abrupt. Each time Jessica starts bragging about her new item, cut her off. "Oh wow. Listen Jessica, that sounds great but I have to run an errand in a second. Let me call you later." If you do this enough times, she'll hopefully get the hint.
Finally, you could change the subject on her. "You know, Jessica, that new iPad sounds really cool but what I really want to hear about is your daughter's piano recital."
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 2 years. He's signing a new lease in a month and hasn't mentioned a thing about me moving in with him. When I did bring it up, once he said, "You know me, Anne. I'm not the committing type." What does that mean? How can we be exclusive, yet he doesn't want to take things further? What do you suggest?
Signed,
Moving on Up?
Dear Moving on Up,
What do I suggest? First of all, not dating a guy who fully admits he's "not the committing type." This guy is putting it out there plain and simple: He not only doesn't want to commit, but he doesn't want to commit any further with you. I'm sorry to be harsh but I want this to hit home with you. You want more from this relationship then this guy can give. This dude may be happy just being exclusive and not wanting to go any further, but be honest with yourself in the fact that you aren't. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! So don't waste any more time with a guy who doesn't want to live with you. A man who is really in love with you will want to live with you. And believe me, you'll find one that does! (My only piece of advice there is: Don't wait two years to find out he's not the committing type!)
Good luck,
Kelli
Monday, August 9, 2010
Ask Kelli: Guys Whistling, Friend's Smelly Dog, & Economical Clothes
Dear Kelli,
I absolutely hate it when guys whistle or even look at me on the street in that way. I find myself giving them dirty looks back. What can I say to them to make them stop?
Signed,
Piece of Meat
Dear Piece of Meat,
It sounds like what you're feeling when guys whistle or stare at you is degraded. I can certainly understand that but I'm also wondering if you can look at this situation in another way. Because here's the thing: it's not like telling one particular guy to stop is going to make the rest of the male gene pool stop, too. So I'm thinking you can embrace the comments. You are a hot mama, time to enjoy it! Even though it may not be in the most graceful manner, a whistle or a look is still a compliment. So try looking at the whistles at a form of flattery, rather than a form of harassment. I actually wouldn't say anything to the guys if you want them stop. I'm nervous you are only going to attract more comments! So perhaps you can take contrary action and say "thank you" or even smile. If that feels like too much, you can just move on without
saying anything (no dirty look necessary). Chances are, if you move on without
making a big deal, the guys won't either.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
This is going to sound petty but here goes. I have a dog and so does my dear friend. We go walking a lot or just hang out together with the pups. The issue is that her dog really smells. Is there a delicate way to tell her to wash her pooch?
Signed,
Smelly Dog
Dear Smelly Dog,
I have an idea. What if you and your friend went to this cool new groomer shop you found last week? (And if money is an issue you can always suggest washing the pooches together at someone's place).
If that still doesn't work, just be honest: "Betty, you know I adore Fido. He's adorable and so much fun. But I've noticed he may need a bath. I know Spot really needed one last week!"
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm so sick of my clothes. Any suggestions on inexpensive clothing stores?
Signed,
Want to Be Trendy (But Economical)
Dear Want to Be Trendy (but Economical),
Girl, you are speaking my language! I'm a huge fan of TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Nordstroms Rack, and Ross. You know the saying "brand names for less"? You'd be surprised at what you can find at these joints for cheap! Consignment shops are an option too -- although more hit or miss, in my opinion. And don't forget to check out the sale racks at the end of seasons at department stores like Macy's. As for shoes: Payless is always a good option.
Finally, I just want to say I've always found it okay to splurge on basic pieces (black pants, black skirts, white collared shirts, classic white t-shirts, etc.)
because chances are you'll use these pieces often.
All the best,
Kelli
I absolutely hate it when guys whistle or even look at me on the street in that way. I find myself giving them dirty looks back. What can I say to them to make them stop?
Signed,
Piece of Meat
Dear Piece of Meat,
It sounds like what you're feeling when guys whistle or stare at you is degraded. I can certainly understand that but I'm also wondering if you can look at this situation in another way. Because here's the thing: it's not like telling one particular guy to stop is going to make the rest of the male gene pool stop, too. So I'm thinking you can embrace the comments. You are a hot mama, time to enjoy it! Even though it may not be in the most graceful manner, a whistle or a look is still a compliment. So try looking at the whistles at a form of flattery, rather than a form of harassment. I actually wouldn't say anything to the guys if you want them stop. I'm nervous you are only going to attract more comments! So perhaps you can take contrary action and say "thank you" or even smile. If that feels like too much, you can just move on without
saying anything (no dirty look necessary). Chances are, if you move on without
making a big deal, the guys won't either.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
This is going to sound petty but here goes. I have a dog and so does my dear friend. We go walking a lot or just hang out together with the pups. The issue is that her dog really smells. Is there a delicate way to tell her to wash her pooch?
Signed,
Smelly Dog
Dear Smelly Dog,
I have an idea. What if you and your friend went to this cool new groomer shop you found last week? (And if money is an issue you can always suggest washing the pooches together at someone's place).
If that still doesn't work, just be honest: "Betty, you know I adore Fido. He's adorable and so much fun. But I've noticed he may need a bath. I know Spot really needed one last week!"
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I'm so sick of my clothes. Any suggestions on inexpensive clothing stores?
Signed,
Want to Be Trendy (But Economical)
Dear Want to Be Trendy (but Economical),
Girl, you are speaking my language! I'm a huge fan of TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Nordstroms Rack, and Ross. You know the saying "brand names for less"? You'd be surprised at what you can find at these joints for cheap! Consignment shops are an option too -- although more hit or miss, in my opinion. And don't forget to check out the sale racks at the end of seasons at department stores like Macy's. As for shoes: Payless is always a good option.
Finally, I just want to say I've always found it okay to splurge on basic pieces (black pants, black skirts, white collared shirts, classic white t-shirts, etc.)
because chances are you'll use these pieces often.
All the best,
Kelli
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