Ask Kelli: No Veggie Option, Drastic Hair Change, & Cheating Wife

Dear Kelli,
I'm a vegetarian and have been for many years. I went to a friend's BBQ this weekend and I was really surprised to find she didn't prepare a special meal for me. The main entrees were of course hamburgers and chicken but she didn't even have a veggie burger for me. I picked a little at the potato salad, but is it wrong for me to be upset with her?

Signed,
A Bone to Pick with a Friend


Dear A Bone to Pick with a Friend,
I understand why you are upset. You feel ignored and not taken care of. But let's give your friend the benefit of the doubt. It's very possible she simply forgot you're a vegetarian. I know when I'm preparing or entertaining I'm always in a mad rush until that first guest arrives. So I would let this one go. It really sounds like she really didn't do it on purpose. But next time you are in a dinner situation like this again, I'd either do two things:

1) Bring your own food
2) Thank the guest in advance for having you and then simply remind her that you're a vegetarian. You can try something like this: "Thanks so much Lisa in advance for having me over. I just wanted to remind you that I am a vegetarian. If this is a problem I can prepare something for myself. If not, please let me know what else I can bring for everyone else."

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I recently ended a relationship with someone and desperately craving a change. I really want to cut my super long hair short and dye it black (it's blond now). Is that crazy or am I just grieving?

Signed,
Needing a Change


Dear Needing a Change,
A loss of a relationship is indeed a loss, so I'm glad you are acknowledging that you are grieving. A lot of times people think if someone's not dying, it's not really a loss. You have every right to feel angry, hurt, sad, etc. and to take the time you need to get over your relationship.

I'm glad you are taking a pause before you do anything drastic to your hair. Here are my thoughts: I would wait two weeks more to see if you still feel the same way about cutting and dyeing your hair. This way you know for sure you aren't making an impulsive decision and really want to make this change without a break-up clouding your judgment. If you find you feel the same way in two weeks, I say go for it. If you don't feel the same, well, you just saved yourself a whole lot of grief!

Remember, too, this doesn't have to be black or white (no pun intended). If you simply want to add a new style or get natural highlights to your 'do, that might
be a nice compromise. No, it's not as dramatic, but it might be smart to take less of a risk when you are the most vulnerable.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My wife had an affair eight months ago. We talked about it, and she promised she was ready to stay committed to me again. Well, a week ago I found out she was at the house of the the guy she slept. She cried, apologized, and swore she wouldn't do it again. I love her but feel blinded. Can I trust her again?

Signed,
Not Sure


Dear Not Sure,
I'm all for second chances but here's the thing: I already feel like you gave your wife hers. She cheated on you once, you forgave her, and she did it again. Two strikes and you're out! I don't mean to be harsh but it's only because I believe you deserve better. A woman (and a wife) who loves her husband doesn't cheat on him. She respects him as well as their commitment. Your wife broke her vows (twice) and now you'd be the fool if you gave her one more chance. By cheating again it shows your wife really is not ready. Sure, she may say she is but her actions spoke otherwise. Learn from your mistakes and end it. You'll find someone else who will love you the way you deserve.

All the best,
Kelli