Ask Kelli: Job questions, Support Groups, & Gym Equipment

Dear Kelli,
I am currently unemployed. A year ago I left the office job where I was absolutely miserable and stressed. All the jobs in the past never made me even as much as 50% happy. I tried to find a simpler job, where I will have a peace of mind. I took a certificate class to become a home caregiver through an agency, I accepted an assignment but left the job due to very low pay and high transportation expenses, and honestly I was not happy even doing the requirements of that job. I have been looking for other "easygoing, simple nature" jobs, but no success yet.

Since I am still unemployed and need to support a family, a friend of mine suggested that I apply for a position within her company. I just got interviewed, and am scheduled for a second round again this week. It is a job in a fast-paced environment, with tight deadlines, an environment where something always changes -- all things that I am really trying to avoid in my life. I think I just don't handle stress well. My friend tells me that it is an easy job, that I know how to do it, and if she can do it, why can't I do it, and she will be the one to train me, and I will be hired as a third person on this job, which will be shared among three of us, etc. She is really trying to get me hired, and get me employed. I am grateful and appreciate it. But if this job is offered to me (which probably will happen next week) -- honestly, I am afraid to accept it.

How can I help myself to make a decision? One part of me says: "you need to feed your family, just get the job, you can do it, you have a potential, you are educated, smart", but another part of me just does not want to deal with a possible stressful environment. I just do not want to trap myself again, and repeat the same old pattern. I do not know what to do. What is wrong with me? If all the answers are within us--how can I find the one I need right now?

Signed,
Very Grateful for Your Opinion


Dear Very Grateful for Your Opinion,
Okay, first just a little reminder to think about today. What I mean by that is you haven't technically gotten the job yet. So often we stress about "what ifs" when they may or may not ever happen. So just keep telling yourself that you really only need to worry about today.

With that being said, however, I know I was on vacation when you wrote this letter. So let's assume you did get the job (and congratulations if that is the case). I absolutely 100% think you should take the job. Forget the basics that you need to support your family, you're smart and can do the job, etc., but how do you know for certain that this job will be too stressful for you? You haven't even given it a chance yet! So, I think you are "futurizing" here. That means concentrating and worrying too much about the future because you are anxious and fearful. And that's not a valid reason not to accept a job, in my opinion. Now if, however, in three months you really do feel you can't handle the job out of stress, then we'll talk. But for now, take the job because you really don't know how it will be. Sure, we're all scared when we are offered a new job. But we can let that hold us back (and not accept the job) or we can surrender to the excitement and adventure of it all. Just remember too: no job will ever be perfect. You'll have your good days and your bad. That's all part of the package.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
Are there any other support groups besides 12 step programs like AA or Al-Anon?
Groups that will help with self-esteem, overcoming fears, building up confidence, and so forth?

Signed,
Needing Support


Dear Needing Support,
Yes, there is Emotions Anonymous which is a 12-step program "for the purpose of working toward recovery from emotional difficulties." You can find more information here: http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/ .

There's also an online support group regarding self-confidence here: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Want-More-Self-confidence/21220 . Not sure if it is 12-step based but if you are just looking for online support, this looks like a good resource.

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm training for a marathon that happens in May. Do I need to abide by the gym's 30-minute rule on the treadmill?

Signed,
Desperate Athlete


Dear Desperate Athlete,
It doesn't matter if you are Lance Armstrong training for the Tour de France, the 30-minute applies to everyone no matter what their justifications. My advice (aside from running outside) is to do 30 minutes on all the different machines. Not only will you get a great cross-training workout but you'll also keep friends at the gym.

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: More Wide Shoes, Asking a Woman Out, & Son Acne

Hi Kelli,
Your answer to the question about shoes was fine -- except for people with double wide feet. Even Richey, even Public Shoe Store in Clarendon, can't help. I'm stuck with New Balance 811s and Ugg boots, not really Kennedy Center attire. I have ordered Drews and P.W. Minors by catalog, and still no luck. I can wear Merrill clogs (European size 38) around the house but am not confident to wear them outside when I may have to do stairs. I'm having a pair of "dress shoes" -- low-heeled pumps -- made by the cobbler on Calvert Street, but even he is on his second try. Do you have any further ideas? I'm not about to go online and keep having to ship back shoes that don't fit; anyway WW or EE choices are very few.

I would appreciate your help.

Signed,
Faithful Reader


Dear Faithful Reader,
I have the perfect solution for you!

1) Zappos (http://www.zappos.com) They carry a great variety of extra wide shoes and it's free shipping both ways! I found a nice selection of WW pumps here: http://bit.ly/5pVmnI
2) Chic Wide Shoes (http://www.chicwideshoes.com) They also offer free shipping but it's one way.
3) Dave's Extra Wide Shoes (http://www.daveswideshoes.com) They offer free shipping over $100.
4) Shoemall (http://www.shoemall.com) They carry a decent selection of WW shoes and offer free shipping one way.

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
In your opinion what is the best way to ask a woman out?

Signed,
Curious


Dear Curious,
The best way, in my opinion, is the way you feel most comfortable. There is nothing sexier than a man with confidence. So asking out a woman the way you feel most at ease will be best for both parties.

But in case you need some more tips: don't discount simplicity. Asking a woman out doesn't have to be a big, long, drawn-out production. "I, uh, I'm thinking that I like you. You're nice and sweet. And kind. Oh and pretty. And I like your sweater. Uh, I think we have, like, chemistry. Yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, maybe, one day, not today exactly because it's a Monday, but sometime, maybe in the future, yeah we could go out." Just say it. "I really enjoy your company. Would you be open for dinner sometime?"

Finally, don't be afraid of rejection. You're pretty much guaranteed no date at all if you don't ask the woman out. So at least by asking her out, you are beating a zero chance.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My teenage son has horrible acne. I can tell he feels pretty upset about it. We've been to a dermatologist and he's on the proper medicine but I also know it takes time to kick in. I'm wondering if you have any suggestions in the meantime.

Signed,
Helping My Son


Dear Helping My Son,
The teen years in general can be extremely difficult. Throw in an acne issue and it's even more understandable why your son would feel extra isolated and self-conscious.

Here are my thoughts:
1) Share what exactly acne is so your son doesn't blame himself. There are tons of myths about what causes acne (e.g., chocolate or fatty foods) and kids get overwhelmed and confused. Mayo Clinic is a great place to start for a simple explanation: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/acne/DS00169
2) Keep reminding your son that his acne will most likely clear up. Often times teens feel this will be a problem for life and they can't foresee it ever going away. In most cases acne is hormonal, so it will most likely dissipate on its own.
3) Tell your son he's not alone. Eighty percent of teens get acne.
4) Encourage your son to join an online acne support group.
Here are some resources that he can check out:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Acne/support-group
http://teenage-acne.net/forum
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acnetips/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/acne_support/

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: Parking Spots, How to Say "I"m Not Interested,", & Exercising My Dog

Dear Kelli,
The listserve has been buzzing with the pros and cons of people using chairs, etc, to save their shoveled out parking place. Where do you come down on this issue?

Signed,
Looking for the End of the Road


Dear Looking for the End of the Road,
Gosh, wouldn't it just be easier if we all lived in Miami??! (But then we'd be fighting over sun tanning spots so it's probably just the same…).

Okay, so here's my take. A public parking spot is just that -- a public parking spot. That means, unfortunately, that unless it's assigned to you, you can't "reserve" it (i.e. putting obstacles in its place). Yes, you worked hard to shovel it. I get it. I too had to break out the ear muffs, ski coat, boots, shovel, etc. (and not to mention my hard earned sweat and tears). For hours. And although it certainly felt like my spot (especially after all that!) I know it's not. If I leave it, I chance the risk it will be snagged.

If it helps at all, if someone does take "your" spot and you get angry, think of it as doing service for that person. You helped that person find a spot for the day and you made their life easier. Good for you. Chalk it up as your good deed for the day.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I get asked out by a lot of men in whom I have absolutely no interest. I have a hard time saying no. My friends say I'm too nice. How do I say I'm not interested?

Signed,
The "Nice" Girl


Dear The "Nice" Girl,
My basic rule of thumb is unless the guy is a criminal, an illegal alien, or married, a woman should give the guy at least one date. Because you just never know. After that, I think it's fair for the woman to say she's not interested.

So my advice to you is to give these guys you "think" you're definitely not interested in one date. Just one to start. If after that, if you're still not feeling it, and they ask you for another, you simply say, "Thanks so much for the invite but unfortunately I just don't feel the chemistry." This way you aren't pinning the blame on them ("You're too cheap, unattractive, heavy," etc.) but simply saying the two of you don't mesh. No one can really argue with that. Because everyone knows you can't force chemistry -- plain and simple.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My dog has gained a few pounds since winter started. I know it's because we haven't been able to exercise him. Any thoughts? It's just too darn cold to go for a long walk.

Signed,
Couch Potato Owner


Dear Couch Potato Owner,
I understand your dilemma all too well. My dog has also gained the "Winter 5" as I call it. And I'm sure my leftovers hasn't helped him either.

The best things I can think of are:
1) Indoor doggy dare care. Let the dog run around with its peers for a few hours. There are tons around the DC area.
2) Indoor dog parks. Unfortunately there aren't many. You may be able to find out about places to go by joining this Bethesda-based dog group:
http://www.meetup.com/mocodogs/ . Also, there's a big indoor dog park in
Frederick, MD, if that's not too far a drive:
http://www.frederickdoggiedaycare.com/Dog-Park-Frederick.html
3) Run your dog in your home (we use a tennis ball). Even just short sprints is better than nothing!

All the best,
Kelli


And now here are two follow-up comments on advice in last week's column, the first in response to the question from “Daydreamer,” who was procrastinating at work and having trouble staying focused on the tasks at hand:

"Daydreamer" may well have undiagnosed ADHD. She probably can't focus because her brain is biologically incapable of doing so…. For what it's worth, the daydreamer is a typical profile of women (or girls) with ADHD, and they tend to be significantly underdiagnosed as a population. While boys with ADHD tend to get better as they mature and mellow, women tend to get worse as they enter their 40s and become peri-menopausal. Thus, “Daydreamer” is probably a woman who may have managed her situation well-enough until now, but is now finding her problem is causing her more trouble. "Daydreamer" needs more help then the usual anti-procrastination techniques that work for individuals with "normal" functioning brains. Here are three web sites that offer up to date information and referral resources: http://www.ncgiadd.org/ The National Center for Gender Issues and ADHD, as well as http://www.addvance.com and http://www.chadd.org/ .

--From Concerned Reader


And some advice for “Ivy League Mom” whose son is struggling in two classes in school:

The first thing that “Ivy League Mom” should do is set up conferences with her son’s teachers. She needs their perspective on what her son isn’t doing that he should be doing, and what he needs to do to turn the situation around. Is he behind because he isn’t trying (not turning in his homework, not studying for the tests, not asking for help to learn whatever he’s having trouble understanding)? Or is he doing all the required work and asking for help with difficult problems, but still not getting it right? If it’s the first scenario,then by all means, follow the advice in the column to find out what’s bugging him and keeping him from getting his work done right in these subjects. But if it’s the second scenario (and that seems indicated by the fact that he’s struggling in just two subjects, not struggling with everything), then it sounds to this parent as if he could benefit from a patient and experienced tutor in those two subjects.

--From Parent of High Schoolers

Ask Kelli: No Motivation at Work, New to DC, & Teen Failing Classes

Dear Kelli,
I work at a job that requires me to keep track of all of my time so that it can be billed to clients. I have a terrible time staying focused at work throughout the day for five days a week. This keeps me from working as diligently as I am required, but also from keeping track of the work I actually do. I like most aspects of my job and the people I work with. I, however, cannot stay focused on a long-term continued basis. As you might imagine, this has negative consequences for me that are becoming more and more serious. It makes me anxious when I am not at work as I think about things building up. It seems like the solution would be simple - just sit down and do the work. Unfortunately, for some reason, I cannot do this, at least not for any extended period of time.

Signed,
Daydreamer


Dear Daydreamer,
One of my favorite quotes of all time is: "I was going to buy a CD on procrastination but I just didn't get around to it."

Procrastination and not being able to motivate yourself at work are not all that
surprising. I mean if you think about it, a job is almost like breakfast. You'd get sick of plain oatmeal if you had to eat it every single day, right? It's already hard enough to get up in the morning as is, but if you knew you were going to have to consume that same bowl of mush, it would be hard for anyone to be motivated. So we have to spice up your "breakfast." Here are a few of my favorite suggestions:

1) Change your scenery. Make your desk a place you are excited to visit every day. Buy a few plants, bring in some of your favorite photos and quotes, and decorate your walls with bright, loud colors.

2) Blast those tunes. Music can go a long way to making the day a little bit brighter and livelier. Studies have shown that people who work out with music are more efficient than those without headphones. I'm thinking the same could apply for you at work for you. Bring an iPod or listen to music off the internet.

3) Exercise. And before work if possible. It will give you energy and keep you more refreshed during the day. If you can't go in the morning, take a walk during the day.

4) Construct two lists. The first one is what you get out of being slow and unproductive at work. The second one what you get out of being efficient and hard working. Keep the second list in your drawer as a reminder and when you need a little pick-me-up.

5) Eat lunch. And if you can, eat it somewhere else besides your desk or the work cafeteria.

6) Be accountable. Email your boss, colleague, or a friend and tell them your work plan or goals for the day. You'll be more motivated to complete your tasks knowing others are aware of what you are doing.

7) Challenge yourself. Boredom at work usually signifies a lack of challenge. Try to take on extra or different projects at work. Ironic I know considering you feel you can't even do your "normal" work but this may just be the ticket to get you moving. (Plus in my opinion it never hurts to show more initiative.)

8) Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in the "Oh gosh. I may be here for 10 more years." Just concentrate on today. That's all you have to worry about.

9) Use a reward system. Tell yourself that if you complete two tasks you can either take a five minute walk around the office or grab a cup of water (or an incentive of your choosing). Even small rewards can make a big difference.

10) Get outside motivation. For example, I love the Ralph Marston site http://greatday.com/motivate/


All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I just moved to this area and don't feel "home" yet. How long does it typically take for a person to adjust to a new city?

Signed,
Nomad


Dear Nomad,
They say moving is the biggest stress aside from a death in the family. So it is completely and 100 percent normal to feel uncomfortable and unadjusted to a new city. Unfortunately there is no "typical" time frame. For every person it is different. I can tell you, however, that the more social you are, the better chances you have of feeling more at home. Congratulations, though, on making the first step by joining the Cleveland Park listserv. (Not that I'm biased or anything, but I think we are a pretty friendly community). You can also check out www.meetups.com for groups you are interested in making new friends. Finally, try to attend all social functions you are invited to and share with people the fact you are new to the city. People usually understand what it's like being new in a city and want to show you the ropes. Let them.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My 14-year-old son is very smart but lately he's been really unmotivated to do anything in school. In fact, his progress report showed he's actually failing two classes. Should I say something? I don't want to steer him any more into failing.

Signed,
Ivy League Mom


Dear Ivy League Mom,
The fact that there has been an abrupt change in your son's behavior signals something is definitely wrong. So yes, I absolutely would say something to him to uncover what exactly is wrong. But first let me ask you: have there been any
hanges at home? A separation or divorce can often fuel this type of behavior.
Did you or your partner accept a new job and the hours have changed? Think about if anything has been different at home. If there are no changes at home, have you noticed any changes in your son's social behavior? Is he still hanging out with the same group of friends? Finally, is there any evidence of drug use? (If so, I really like the website: www.theantidrug.com on how to educate yourself and your son about the issue).

In any event, I would sit down and ask your son if everything is okay. Remind him that you are always someone he can talk to and be honest with. And although you are "old" now, you were once a teenager too and understand the difficulties and complexities of being an adolescent. If he refuses to open up, it may be wise to see a family counselor.

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: Working Out, Siblings that Complain, & Material Girl Wanting to Change

Dear Kelli,
I'm pretty busy and don't have much time to work out. With two kids (7 and 9), a dog, and a husband who is almost like a third kid, I barely have time to go to the bathroom. Thoughts?

Signed,
Resolution to Work Out


Dear Resolution to Work Out,
Well, it's certainly understandable that it's hard for you to find the time to work out. But we're not letting you off the hook so easily. Here are my suggestions:

1) Buy some home exercise DVDs and look for ones that offer 10 minute workouts. Even 10 minutes is better than nothing and you can always do 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening. You can preview some here:
http://www.collagevideo.com/exercise-videos/10-minute-solution-exercise-videos-2\
4

2) Exercise at the park with the kids. You can do pull-ups on the monkey bars, race the kids to the fountain, do jumping jacks, etc. In other words, make exercise at the park a game. The kids will have fun and you'll be burning calories!

3) Take a family adventure. Winter sports are great for calorie burning. Go snow shoeing, skiing, ice skating, rock climbing indoors, etc.

4) Invest in the Wii. The Wii is a video game system that works directly with your movements. So essentially you're burning calories while playing games. What's great about this is that you can play with your kids (and your kids can also get some exercise) or you can buy the Wii Fit (a separate game) and get a great workout by yourself.

5) Park far away. (Hey, every step counts.)

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My sister Darlene has always been a bit of a pessimist. We live far away but frequently talk by phone. Lately all the complaining has really gotten to me. I feel like I never get a chance to tell her what is going on in my life because she's so focused on hers. How can I get a word in? I've tried to have a honest conversation with her but it didn't go over too well.

Signed,
Mute Sister



Dear Mute Sister,
Here's what I would do next time she calls: "Darlene! It's great to talk to you. Listen, I got about 20 minutes before I have to run out the door. So what if I tell you what is going on with me for 10 minutes, then you do the same? Do you mind if I start, though? I've been dying to tell you about…[insert interesting comment here]"

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm embarrassed that I'm really materialistic. What can I do to change it?

Signed,
Gold Digger


Dear Gold Digger,
Good for you for seeing a character defect and wanted to modify it. I would first identify why you feel you are materialistic. Is it because you want to impress people? Or do you feel powerful with expensive items? Try to answer that question honestly. It will make a big difference. Given your answer, try to replace what you want with more emotional responses. For example, if your answer was because you want to impress people (meaning you want to feel special) maybe write a list about what you feel makes you different or unique (or if that is too hard, you can ask a friend or family member the same question). Next, take contrary action. In other words, try and make others feel special and powerful (i.e. complimenting them, volunteering, etc.). You'll be amazed how helping someone else will in the end make you feel better. Finally, commit to one big goal and making small steps to achieve that goal. So for example if your big goal was to stop buying expensive labels and you are buying three chic label items per week, try and cut that down to two during week one, and then one item during week two. Keep doing this until you are finally buying just one chic label once in a while.

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: Gift Ideas, Not Wanting Kids, & Wanting Kids

Dear Kelli,
How can I do good this holiday season with gifts and otherwise?

Signed,
Want to do Good Finally


Dear Want to do Good Finally,
Good for you! What a great question and it's my pleasure to answer.

1) Volunteer. Nothing in my opinion means more to someone than your time. You
can go to http://www.serve.gov or http://www.volunteermatch.org to search for
opportunities right in your own zip code.

2) Save a life and give blood. http://www.givelife.org or
http://www.redcross.org can point you to the nearest blood bank.

3) Donate to charity. Click on http://www.justgive.org or
http://www.charitynavigator.org . Both offer charity gift cards that work like
gift certificates. The best part? You pick the donation amount and the gift
recipient picks the charity.

4) Shop sites that donate. http://www.giftback.com offers tons of gifts with
the charity of your choice receiving 10 percent. And if you are looking for
kids' gifts, trying visiting http://www.unicefusa.org , which helps kids around
the world.

5) Send an eco-friendly card. With every e-card you buy at
http://www.treegreetings.com , a tree is planted in the US or Central America.

6) Mail returnable cards. http://www.reproduct.net offers cards that people can
send back to be recycled.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I hate to say it but I'm not a fan of kids. And I realized I don't work great
when they are around. What's the etiquette on bring children to the office?

Signed,
Not a Kid Lover


Dear Not a Kid Lover,
The answer really depends on your office and their regulations. You may want to
talk to HR to determine their exact policies.

On your end, however, I think it really depends on the frequency and duration of
child's visit. If a co-worker is just bringing in her kid to say hi, I think
you got to suck it up (and speaking of that, if you really want brownie points,
bring the kid a sucker. You'll feel good knowing you took contrary action to
your first impulse, and the co-worker and child will really appreciate it). If,
on the other hand, the child is spending all day with her parent, doing
cartwheels in the cubicle, and spinning around and around in her chair, yeah,
you got reason to speak up to your boss. So I would use your best judgment
depending on the situation.

All the best,
Kelli



Dear Kelli,
My fiance and I are really in love. The problem is that I know I want kids in
my future and he knows he doesn't. Do we get married anyway (and I secretly
hope he'll change his mind?)

Signed,
"Mom"

Dear "Mom,"

Here's the thing: you can't assume anyone (partner, friend, relative, etc.) will
ever change. You just can't. You have to take people as they are today and not
what you want them to be in fantasy. So today your boyfriend does not want a
family. Could he change his mind? Sure, but there is no absolute guarantee.
And that's certainly a big risk if you know for sure you want to be a mom.

So I say you really have to weigh what is more important to you: having a
boyfriend that you love and giving up the idea of being a mom or finding someone
who also shares your same family desires and losing your current beau. I know
this isn't easy to answer and unfortunately, I can't make the decision for you.
But I think if you really listen to your heart you'll know what to do.

All the best,
Kelli

Ask Kelli: Dating, Facebook Etiquette, & Energy Tips

Dear Kelli,
I am on the Cleveland Park listserve and enjoy reading your advice.

Do you have recommendations on dating service/ matchmakers? I have tried a few
different dating sites, including Jdate, but with no success. I am 44 years old
but look younger, and would like to meet someone my age, or even a few years younger. I am a good-looking professional woman, originally from Europe, and I
would like to meet a good-looking, smart guy, with a good sense of humor and of
course, educated, interesting, etc. -- the usual. I have tried internet
dating/speed dating, everything. What would you recommend? Do you possibly know
of a good matchmaker?

Thanks for your advice.

Signed,
Looking to Meet a Mate


Dear Looking to Meet a Mate,
'Tis the season for trying to find a date, huh? This seems to be the common
theme lately!

Because this question has been asked a few times before I'm just going to post
the link for the back issues of my answers:

http://askkelli.blogspot.com/2009/11/where-to-meet-men-husband-tagging-along.htm\
l

http://askkelli.blogspot.com/2009/10/dear-kelli-im-jewish-27-year-old-female.htm\
l

And as far as matchmakers…the finest matchmakers in my opinion are your family
and friends. They know you the best, know what you are looking for, and don't
have a vested interest in trying to make a buck out of it! So put the word out
to your family and friends that you want to meet someone. Who knows -- maybe
your mom could talk to her friend Linda who knows her neighbor's cousin who just
happens to have a brother who is single! You laugh but it's true: you never
know what could happen. But it won't work unless you start the trend!

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I have a work colleague whose wife friended me on Facebook. That's fine and I
accepted but I soon discovered her status messages to everyone are completely
inappropriate. She'll say something like, "Feeling really sexy today. Just
popped out my Victoria's Secret new undies…" Does she realize she's making a
spectacle of herself? Should I say something to her husband?

Signed,
Cautious Friend


Dear Cautious Friend,
Ahh…Facebook. Some people utilize it to meet and reconnect with friends.
Others use it to get attention. I'm thinking that's the case for your friend's
wife.

So here's the thing: to each his own with Facebook. It's like clothing at work.
Sometimes you may find people wearing things inappropriate but you can't really
say anything (unless you're in HR but that's a different story). So in this
case, it's her post, her life, and her risk of embarrassment.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything to your friend. It's not worth the risk of
your work relationship over his wife's crazy posts. Plus, he may not be
offended because he may find his wife's post amusing or appealing. It's his
wife after all…

But does he realize she's even posting these crazy things, you ask? Probably.
Chances are: 1) He's a "friend" of hers as well and can see the posts. 2)
Someone who would post things like that tells me his wife is probably fairly
similar outside of Facebook. In other words, I'm sure your friend wouldn't be
shocked out of his mind if he did discover her messages.

All the best,
Kelli



Dear Kelli,
I have NO energy at all. I've ruled out any and all medical causes (been to a
few different doctors). Any general tips on how to be a little more lively? I
know you aren't an MD but I just need some everyday tips.

Signed,
Sleepy Slug


Dear Sleepy Slug,
I'm glad you at least ruled out any medical concerns. But you didn't mention
how you are feeling emotionally. Are you depressed at all? Depression can
often disguise itself as fatigue. If so, I highly encourage you to talk with a
therapist or counselor.

But assuming all is well physically and emotionally, here are a few tips that
work for me:

1) Drink more water! Dehydration can make you feel sluggish (and be careful of
caffeinated beverages which can dehydrate you further).

2) Eat healthy. Sugar and refined carbs can give you a lift periodically but
can cause a huge crash later in the day. You're better off eating lean
proteins, complex carbs (fruits, vegetables, whole grain bread, etc), and
healthy fats (olive oil, avocado, etc.).

3) Eat every 3-4 hours to keep your blood sugar stable.

4) Listen to music. One study found that workers who listened to music were 10%
more productive than without them.

5) Exercise. I know. This feels like the last thing you want to do when you
are tired. But exercise begets energy! Even a simple walk can give you a lift.

6) If you are desperate and need caffeine to wake up try Yerbe matte or green
tea (as opposed to energy drinks or coffee).

All the best,
Kelli