Ask Kelli: Job questions, Support Groups, & Gym Equipment

Dear Kelli,
I am currently unemployed. A year ago I left the office job where I was absolutely miserable and stressed. All the jobs in the past never made me even as much as 50% happy. I tried to find a simpler job, where I will have a peace of mind. I took a certificate class to become a home caregiver through an agency, I accepted an assignment but left the job due to very low pay and high transportation expenses, and honestly I was not happy even doing the requirements of that job. I have been looking for other "easygoing, simple nature" jobs, but no success yet.

Since I am still unemployed and need to support a family, a friend of mine suggested that I apply for a position within her company. I just got interviewed, and am scheduled for a second round again this week. It is a job in a fast-paced environment, with tight deadlines, an environment where something always changes -- all things that I am really trying to avoid in my life. I think I just don't handle stress well. My friend tells me that it is an easy job, that I know how to do it, and if she can do it, why can't I do it, and she will be the one to train me, and I will be hired as a third person on this job, which will be shared among three of us, etc. She is really trying to get me hired, and get me employed. I am grateful and appreciate it. But if this job is offered to me (which probably will happen next week) -- honestly, I am afraid to accept it.

How can I help myself to make a decision? One part of me says: "you need to feed your family, just get the job, you can do it, you have a potential, you are educated, smart", but another part of me just does not want to deal with a possible stressful environment. I just do not want to trap myself again, and repeat the same old pattern. I do not know what to do. What is wrong with me? If all the answers are within us--how can I find the one I need right now?

Signed,
Very Grateful for Your Opinion


Dear Very Grateful for Your Opinion,
Okay, first just a little reminder to think about today. What I mean by that is you haven't technically gotten the job yet. So often we stress about "what ifs" when they may or may not ever happen. So just keep telling yourself that you really only need to worry about today.

With that being said, however, I know I was on vacation when you wrote this letter. So let's assume you did get the job (and congratulations if that is the case). I absolutely 100% think you should take the job. Forget the basics that you need to support your family, you're smart and can do the job, etc., but how do you know for certain that this job will be too stressful for you? You haven't even given it a chance yet! So, I think you are "futurizing" here. That means concentrating and worrying too much about the future because you are anxious and fearful. And that's not a valid reason not to accept a job, in my opinion. Now if, however, in three months you really do feel you can't handle the job out of stress, then we'll talk. But for now, take the job because you really don't know how it will be. Sure, we're all scared when we are offered a new job. But we can let that hold us back (and not accept the job) or we can surrender to the excitement and adventure of it all. Just remember too: no job will ever be perfect. You'll have your good days and your bad. That's all part of the package.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
Are there any other support groups besides 12 step programs like AA or Al-Anon?
Groups that will help with self-esteem, overcoming fears, building up confidence, and so forth?

Signed,
Needing Support


Dear Needing Support,
Yes, there is Emotions Anonymous which is a 12-step program "for the purpose of working toward recovery from emotional difficulties." You can find more information here: http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/ .

There's also an online support group regarding self-confidence here: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Want-More-Self-confidence/21220 . Not sure if it is 12-step based but if you are just looking for online support, this looks like a good resource.

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm training for a marathon that happens in May. Do I need to abide by the gym's 30-minute rule on the treadmill?

Signed,
Desperate Athlete


Dear Desperate Athlete,
It doesn't matter if you are Lance Armstrong training for the Tour de France, the 30-minute applies to everyone no matter what their justifications. My advice (aside from running outside) is to do 30 minutes on all the different machines. Not only will you get a great cross-training workout but you'll also keep friends at the gym.

All the best,
Kelli