Ask Kelli: Doctor's Office, Quick Food, & Sibling Issues

Dear Kelli,
I get so angry when I go to my doctor's office and I have to wait over an hour for my appointment. I feel like I'm wasting so much time. URG! I don't want to leave this particular doctor because I do like him. I just can't stand the waiting. What can I do?

Signed,
Waiting for Calm


Dear Waiting for Calm,

I can certainly understand why you're annoyed. Waiting for the doctor can be a very frustrating experience especially when you've made every attempt to get there on time. Here are my suggestions:

1) Expect the doctor to run late. Sometimes just preparing yourself for this scenario helps you feel less surprised when you get there. And chances are if he's late 4 out of 5 times, he'll be late the next time.
2) Call ahead before you leave for your appointment. Find out for certain if the doctor is running late. If he is you can hang back a few minutes before you leave.
3) Make "leisure time" out of waiting. Bring your favorite magazine, needlepoint, journal, etc., to help pass the time.
4) Savor the moment of just doing nothing. Sometimes I meditate while I'm waiting for an appointment. When do you have a chance to really do nothing?
5) Weigh the options. I know you mentioned you like this doctor. But weigh finding another doctor (with the risk of not liking him/her as much) or staying with this one and having to wait. You could always try a new doctor and see how you feel.
6) Try talking to this doctor about it. In a nice way you might want to say something like, "Is there anything I can do to ensure my next visit will be on time?" This way you are not placing the blame directly on the doctor and risking putting him on the defense.

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I want to cook a healthy dinner for my family but I feel so pressed for time. I'm sick of junk food carryout and frankly, we don't have the money to keep doing it! I like cooking just don't have that much time. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Pressed Foodie


Dear Pressed Foodie,
You are speaking my language! I really like the following cookbook:

"The Six O'Clock Scramble" by Aviva Goldfarb (also online: http://thescramble.com/ )

And online I love these cooking sites:

1) http://www.foodnetwork.com/quick-and-easy/index.html
2) http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Everyday-Cooking/Quick-and-Easy/Main.aspx
3) http://www.myrecipes.com/recipes/quick-and-easy/

You can always prepare some ingredients the night before so you aren't as rushed the day of. Finally, I buy a lot of prepared vegetables in the grocery store (bagged salad, shredded carrots, etc.) It can be a bit more expensive but it's worth it when you are trying to save time!

Bon appetit,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I haven't spoken to my only brother (my only sibling) in over 11 years. We had a falling out years ago bit lately I've really been missing him. The problem is he was in the wrong and didn't treat me right. What do you recommend?

Signed,
Sibling Rivalry


Dear Sibling Rivalry,
Unless you want to spend the next 11 years not talking I recommend you be the bigger person here and call him up. It doesn't matter who was at fault, who started it, who ended it, yada, yada. All that matters is the present which is that you want to mend a broken relationship. Good for you.

I would start the first conversation off easy and light. Tell your brother you miss him and you don't like not talking. Then later when things settle you can ask what happened and perhaps set the boundaries for future interactions (so what happened doesn't happen again).

If you find yourself second guessing the situation ask yourself: Is it better to be right or to be happy?

You only have one brother. Life is too short to spend any more of it without him.

All the best,
Kelli

Where to Date Online, Junky Food, & A Pet Passing

Dear Kelli,
I'm a Jewish 27-year-old female vegetarian looking to meet a nice man. I'm done with the bar scene and finally ready to try online dating. What sites do you recommend?

Signed,
Cyber Dater


Dear Cyber Dater,
Congratulations on making the move to date online. I'm partial to online dating only because that's where I met my husband! So you really never know...
Depending on your personality there are tons of online dating services. The most popular sites right now seem to be: www.match.com, www.eharmony.com, and www.plentyoffish.com. But you can always go to more specific sites depending on your priorities. For example, if you are exclusively dating Jewish men there is always www.jdate.com. And if you only want to date vegetarians you could try
www.veggiefishing.com. Want something a little different all together? You may want to try The Onion's personals: http://personals.theonion.com/, www.speeddate.com, and www.crazyblinddate.com

Good luck,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I try and keep my house fairly healthy for my kids. I don't buy many sweets, chips, or sugar cereals. In fact, I'm pretty neurotic with my own diet. I'm worried because whenever my son goes to his friends' houses (once or twice a week) he goes hog wild with their junky food. He tells me how excited he is that he got to eat donuts, lollypops, and soda. I know I can't control what
other people buy but I'm nervous that he is eating all this "bad" food. What can I do?

Signed,
No Sweet Tooth

Dear No Sweet Tooth,
You're right: you can't control what other families buy. But here is my take: if your son is eating relatively healthy 80% of the time (which it sounds like), he's doing pretty well. The little junk food he's eating isn't going to hurt him. In fact, they say it's good to splurge every once in awhile.

Now I'd take a look at your part. You say you are "neurotic" with your own diet. Are you projecting your fears about unhealthy foods onto your son? You may just want to watch how you react when he does eat junk food. A lot of eating disorders develop in kids in part from their parents. And I'm nervous the more you "fear" him into eating only healthy foods the more he may rebel and go "hog wild" when he goes to his friends' houses. So I would just try and have
a balance. Maybe go food shopping with your son and have him pick out one or two treats for the week? This way he won't feel deprived and binge when he is out at other friends' houses.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
My 14-year-old female Maltese just passed a week ago. But I still can't move on. I'm so depressed and upset. And I hate how everyone keeps saying, "It's only a dog!" Suggestions?

Signed,
Missy RIP

Dear Missy RIP,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are talking to a dog lover herself so I get it. You say you "still" can't move on. It has only been a week! Grieving any loss takes time. And it's all individual too. Some people need a few days, while others need months. So please don't rush yourself to move on when you aren't ready. You take the time you need and be aware it may take more time than you think. Again, that's okay. You lived with this "family member" for 14 years. It's unrealistic to think you can just get over her passing in a week's time.

The truth is: people who aren't pet lovers may not understand the bond people humans and dogs. Unfortunately you just have to ignore the "It's only a dog!" comments. Justifying why you feel the way you do may get you more upset. So chose to not discuss your grieving with these people. If you feel the need to say anything just say something along the lines of: "Missy was part of my family and it's difficult when a family member passes. I'd really appreciate your
support during this time."

A great book to help you in the meantime is: Cold Noses: At The Pearly Gates by Gary Kurz.

All the best,
Kelli