Ask Kelli: Eating Disorders, Adopting Kids, & Loaning Money,

Dear Kelli,
How do you know if you have an eating disorder? I feel like I'm extremely concerned about my weight. I think about food and my body all the time. I don't restrict my food intake or throw up but I'm extremely conscious about it. I'm a "normal" weight but feel like I could be thinner. I eat pretty much low-calorie foods and exercise at least two hours every day. What do you think? I'm willing to see a therapist but not sure if it's necessary.

Signed,
Body Obsessed


Dear Body Obsessed,
Without even seeing you I can tell you have some challenges with food and body image. In my opinion, any time an issue becomes unmanageable and disturbs one's normal life, the person should seek treatment. It sounds like this is your case. With that being said, I'm extremely proud of you for reaching out and being open to the idea of seeing a therapist. I would highly suggest you do so.

There are many gray areas when it comes to eating disorders. It used to be just
anorexia (restricting food), bulimia (binge eating followed by purging), or
compulsive eating (uncontrollable eating); now there are many quasi-disorders
in which treatment from a therapist can substantially help. So just because you don't restrict or purge doesn't mean you don't necessarily have an eating disorder.

Overeaters Anonymous is a fabulous 12-step program for people with eating disorders. It shouldn't be a substitute for treatment but it's a great complement or start to your recovery. You can find more information here: http://www.oa.org

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm currently taking care of my 3-year-old grandson because my daughter is always working and not totally capable. She loves her son but doesn't see him that often (she works late) or is off doing something else. I would like to legally adopt him. Do you think I should?

Signed,
Grandma Wanting to Be Mom


Dear Grandma Wanting to Be Mom,
I would first you suggest a family law attorney. This sounds more like a legal issue than a therapist one. The only thing I can say is the best situation for your grandson is the one where he is best taken care of. Is that with you? Based on what you said (mother is working and not capable), most probably. It sounds like this is the best plan for the child but contact a lawyer to deal with specifics.

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
A friend of mine borrowed $60 three months ago for a chair she wanted to buy. I
still haven't seen the money. I've reminded her twice and she keeps saying she'll pay me back. But I still haven't seen the money. Any thoughts?

Signed,
Loan Shark


Dear Loan Shark,
The reality is you're probably never going to see the money. It's a hard lesson to learn but an important one. You learned you aren't going to lend money to this "friend" again (and possibly anyone else). You can try again with something like: "Hey Gina, my credit card bill came yesterday. As you know I lent you $60 for the chair. Now, however, it's time to return it. I really need to pay my bill. Thanks for understanding." If this friend still doesn't pay you back I wouldn't blame you for ending the relationship. No friend takes money and doesn't pay it back. Friends are responsible and loyal to one another.

All the best,
Kelli