Ask Kelli: Meditation, Too Shy & New Classes

Dear Kelli,
I'm trying to meditate but having problems. I feel like I can't sit still for more than a few minutes. Do you have any recommendations?

Signed,
Too Stressed to Meditate

Dear Too Stressed to Meditate,
First know there is absolutely no wrong way to meditate except if you don't do it all! So release yourself from thinking you have to do it perfectly. Also it's helpful to realize meditation isn't always supposed to feel relaxing. It's really how you are feeling in the present moment. So have no expectations and just take your practice for what it is.

You might want to take a course to help get you started or maintain your current
practice. I found it helpful to learn a specific meditation technique like using a mantra (sound or phrase to repeat during meditation). But you can see what works best for you. You can check out some of these meditation centers in DC:

1) Insight Meditation Community of Washington http://www.imcw.org/
2) Washington Mindfulness Center http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/
3) Still Water Mindfulness http://www.stillwatermpc.org/

Finally, one of my favorite books on meditation is: "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It can help you get started or keep you motivated with your current practice.

Namaste,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm really shy and absolutely hate going to social events. I get really anxious and at times even petrified. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking horrible things about me! What can I do?

Signed,
Party Pooper


Dear Party Pooper,
Just from reading your post I'm thinking you have social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia. It's where a person has an excessive and irrational fear of social situations. Since I can't see you in person, I would high encourage you to seek a therapist to help diagnose you for sure.

But in the meantime there a couple of tricks I like to recommend:

1) When you are at a party try and concentrate on everyone else. In other words, when your brain starts thinking, "Is he looking at my clothes/hair/etc.?" I want you to reverse it and think, "I wonder what he/she/they are feeling. I wonder if they are happy with their outfit/drink/etc."

2) Ask people questions about them. What do they like to do? Do they like their job? What do they think of this crazy weather we're having? Think of random fun questions. It's a win-win. You get the focus off yourself and EVERYONE loves to talk about themselves!

3) Look at asking people about them as a "job" or doing service. It is your "job" to make this person feel more comfortable.

4) If you can't muster the courage to talk to people ask the host what you can help do. Can you help set up chairs? Pour coffee? It sometimes helps to have a specific job to do while at a party.

5) Do some deep breathing before social events. Slow breathing automatically slows down your whole body, including your mind. Here's what I do: breath in very slowly through you nose (counting to 5 and then out again through your mouth (counting to 5 again). Do this fully for three cycles before you enter the party. And if you feel yourself tensing up at the party excuse yourself to the bathroom. The beauty of the bathroom is that it is private. You can breath in the stall and no one has to know!

7) You'll feel more in control if you can learn more about what you are experiencing. So I would recommend reading up on social anxiety. The books I like are: "Dying of Embarrassment: Help for Social Anxiety and Phobia" by Jerilyn Ross, MA, LICSW and "Social Phobia: From Shyness to Stage Fright" By John R. Marshall, MD.

8) It sounds counter-intuitive but join a support group for social phobia. You can learn more here: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,
I'm sick of the same old classes- dance, music, art, etc. Any ideas on a cool new class?

Thanks,
Class Act


Dear Class Act,
Sure, here are my thoughts:

1) Kendo (modern sword training)
2) Sign Language
3) Aromatherapy
4) Tae Kwan Do (Korean martial art)
5) Reflexology
6) Batik
7) Gemology
8) Calligraphy
9) Belly dancing
10) Badminton
11) Chinese Gu Zengh (Gu Zheng is a Chinese string-instrument)

Good luck,
Kelli